#1
Uhhhh... yeah. This isn't really like the stuff I write. BUT. I was decided I would make a techno song. And this is very very teeny bopper techno it kind of make me squirm in my skin a little. But it's not like i wrote it against my will it is, of course, how i felt about this one dude at a certain point in my life. So... yeah.

Boy,
Your love
Is like angels singing from above
I wish
I knew
If you loved me too

Cause you
Are the one
Who inspired this song
You make my summers feel
Like 2 seconds long

But your
Taken
By that tall blonde with curls
I'm the geeky
Brunette
And squeeky clean

But you
Are the one
Who inspired this song
You make my summers feel
Like 2 seconds long

I see you in the hall
I wish you would fall
Head over heals for my
Gray round eyes

So I'll die my hair blonde
Get contacts
Maybe I'll grow fond of my
New blue eyes
And all the lies
Just for you

Cause you
Are the one
Who inspired this song
You make my summer's feel
Like 2 seconds long

I look in the mirror
And see the new me
I realize I hate the so called me
I take the make up off
And put on those blue jeans
Because lets face it
You're not worth
changing my style

Cause you
Are the one
Who inspired this song
You can't change me
I don't need you to
Feel this strong
#2
Now as I've read, this isn't your song. But you could always make some changes, and with enough changes I quess you really could call it your own, maybe.


Boy,
Your love
Is like angels singing from above
I wish
I knew
If you loved me too Here you say it's "your" love that's so great, but then you don't know if he loves you? Try the last two lines You knew / I loved you too Just because I know some people have troubles expression love

Because you
Are the one
Who inspired this song
You make my summers feel
Like 2 two seconds long Always write out numbers, especially in poetry, it's just a good habit to start.

But your
Taken
By that tall blonde with curls
Just because these next couple lines don't sound just right, we'll try just re-ordering the words without changing anything
I'm the geeky I'm the squeeky clean
Brunette And geeky brunette
And squeeky clean Then you can think of something else here, but this is just to show you that if something doesn't sound write when you're writing, just reword the whole thing and that will give it a new sound

But you
Are the one
Who inspired this song
You make my summers feel
Like 2 two seconds long

I see you in the hall
I wish you would fall
Head over heals for my
Gray round eyes
As perfect as this stanza sounds, it doesn't really match the whole thing we have going on with the first verse (unless you have a change for the first stanza that would match this.) But then again it doesn't really seem all that bad so you could probably just keep it

So I'll die my hair blonde
Get contacts
Maybe I'll grow fond of my
New blue eyes
And all the lies
Just for you Well this is one of those stanzas you're going to want to just reword and reorganize, it doesn't seem to flow right.

I look in the mirror
And see the new me
I realize I hate the so called me
I take the make up off
And put on those blue jeans
Because lets face it
You're not worth
changing my style
Again, another one to think about

Cause you
Are the one
Who inspired this song
You can't change me
I don't need you to
Feel this strong
Excellent ending

It all sounds all right, could use a little work to sound that much better but over all it sounds good Keep on Writing
Comments or Suggestions
Omit or Change
Suggested Changes


I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
:
#3
Quote by 24WildRovers
Now as I've read, this isn't your song. But you could always make some changes, and with enough changes I quess you really could call it your own, maybe.


Boy,
Your love
Is like angels singing from above
I wish
I knew
If you loved me too Here you say it's "your" love that's so great, but then you don't know if he loves you? Try the last two lines You knew / I loved you too Just because I know some people have troubles expression love

Because you
Are the one
Who inspired this song
You make my summers feel
Like 2 two seconds long Always write out numbers, especially in poetry, it's just a good habit to start.

But your
Taken
By that tall blonde with curls
Just because these next couple lines don't sound just right, we'll try just re-ordering the words without changing anything
I'm the geeky I'm the squeeky clean
Brunette And geeky brunette
And squeeky clean Then you can think of something else here, but this is just to show you that if something doesn't sound write when you're writing, just reword the whole thing and that will give it a new sound

But you
Are the one
Who inspired this song
You make my summers feel
Like 2 two seconds long

I see you in the hall
I wish you would fall
Head over heals for my
Gray round eyes
As perfect as this stanza sounds, it doesn't really match the whole thing we have going on with the first verse (unless you have a change for the first stanza that would match this.) But then again it doesn't really seem all that bad so you could probably just keep it

So I'll die my hair blonde
Get contacts
Maybe I'll grow fond of my
New blue eyes
And all the lies
Just for you Well this is one of those stanzas you're going to want to just reword and reorganize, it doesn't seem to flow right.

I look in the mirror
And see the new me
I realize I hate the so called me
I take the make up off
And put on those blue jeans
Because lets face it
You're not worth
changing my style
Again, another one to think about

Cause you
Are the one
Who inspired this song
You can't change me
I don't need you to
Feel this strong
Excellent ending

It all sounds all right, could use a little work to sound that much better but over all it sounds good Keep on Writing


I think I know why you said its not my song. It's because you saw it on my profile and your actually the one who told me to put it on here. haha. Anyway... Thanks for the critique
#4
Quote by guitarchick678
I think I know why you said its not my song. It's because you saw it on my profile and your actually the one who told me to put it on here. haha. Anyway... Thanks for the critique

Actaully I said it was your song because you said so in the first post, I critique your work because I did see it on your profile and said you should post it here
Comments or Suggestions
Omit or Change
Suggested Changes


I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
: