#1
So here's a song I'm working on. It's very basic, and very simple, I know. This is the first draft, and I will be changing things up, replacing parts, adding parts, etc.
Attachments:
So Unclean.gp5
#2
now most would curse you ut for that but i see and hear things that might work with that
i do have to say you should work on a good flow or chord progression with the verse
#3
the intro is interesting, if you look close enough. it has something to it that misses the eye at first... I like it, has a slight Sabbath feel to it.

verse 1 is tepid. throw away now. I mean it

verse 2 is better, though the c# powerchord in bar 22 (and later repeats of it) sounds out of place. possibly rework a bit, better than verse 1

bridge is cool, easily the most accessible and best riff in here

chorus isn't exactly devastatingly bad, but what does it have to do with the rest of the song? it somehow doesn't seem to fit. maybe it'll make more sense when you instrument it further. I'd recommend at least a rework, if not scrapping.

you have some good ideas, and others that... well, aren't exactly that incredible, and need some touchups or just outright ditching. keep at it, maybe it'll turn out quite cool in the end?
#4
Firstly, it would be cool if you could add other guitars and drums to help flesh out your ideas. Because, frankly, the intro has nothing to offer. Verse 1 just doesn't sound good at all. Verse 2 is better than verse 1, but doesn't sound too good, to be honest. The bridge is good, but simply the guitars do not suffice. It doesn't sound good at all without anything else.

The Chorus is easily the best part, but I'd remove the chords starting at halfway through measure 35, and all the parts in 36 and 37. Do a complete rewrite of those parts there, and keep the black metal feeling rhythm guitars in the rest of the chorus.

Overall, it's not too bad, but it really needs everything else for it to work. But good luck, and I was hoping for a C4C?

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