champayne
Sexual Harassment Panda
Join date: Sep 2006
843 IQ
#1
Here's a short song I have been writing for the past few days. I'm not really sure how to classify this. I guess it's metal, but it's somewhat indie rock influenced. It's a bit odd at some parts, but I wouldn't consider it progressive. I'm pretty satisfied with it so far, but I would like to work on some transitions and other things. This isn't what I traditionally write, but I still think it turned out good so far. I don't know what else to say about this song. I might add on to it later, I can easily pick up from where I left the song. Enjoy. I'll C4C.

Oh and high-five if you got the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia reference.

I'm hoping to start writing more often, one song every few months is a boring pace.
Attachments:
The Awakening.zip
theawakening.gp5
theawakening.gp4
theawakening.mid
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
Last edited by champayne at Aug 14, 2010,
DragTheWaters11
☺♣♠`
Join date: Jun 2009
1,335 IQ
#2
Overall, honestly, I thought it was pretty good. Sounds like something I would enjoy listening to (studio quality) recorded. It looks very easy to play. It flows well.

The only thing I have to say is that the notes do run together, in the sense that almost everything is in the same key. The song was a bit short, but that's good, I guess, considering the notes do run on. But I was hoping for a clean breakdown at the end there.

But fairly good job thus far, and I know it was a short critique, but may you please critique my latest song? Btw, please read the posts so I don't get the same responses again. :P

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1349572
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
huevos
Signt, oo Jaed?
Join date: Feb 2007
1,892 IQ
#4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pzABURlha8

I prefer Dayman myself.

But this was quite a pleasant song. I don't see any real inconsistencies or such.
Very rhythm driven, with the melodic nuances giving it appropriate breathing room. What I'm trying to say is the lack of wank is most impressive. All aspects of the piece are deliberate, which I also like quite a bit.

That is also my main point of concern. Everything is streamlined towards a single goal, which is what the majority of people will like. I enjoy it too at times (most of time, actually). I do like myself a good dabble of experimentation though.
Not to say that you need to do that with this piece.
I just wanted to express that since it's about the only critical thing I could think of. This piece is spot-on goodness the whole way through.

I'm glad to hear that you'll be participating more in this forum. I look forward to your next piece.
champayne
Sexual Harassment Panda
Join date: Sep 2006
843 IQ
#5
Quote by huevos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pzABURlha8

I prefer Dayman myself.

But this was quite a pleasant song. I don't see any real inconsistencies or such.
Very rhythm driven, with the melodic nuances giving it appropriate breathing room. What I'm trying to say is the lack of wank is most impressive. All aspects of the piece are deliberate, which I also like quite a bit.

That is also my main point of concern. Everything is streamlined towards a single goal, which is what the majority of people will like. I enjoy it too at times (most of time, actually). I do like myself a good dabble of experimentation though.
Not to say that you need to do that with this piece.
I just wanted to express that since it's about the only critical thing I could think of. This piece is spot-on goodness the whole way through.

I'm glad to hear that you'll be participating more in this forum. I look forward to your next piece.


Why thank you. Well, my next piece is actually more western songs, I'm looking to write a full-length of sorts. I already had 2 songs done, but I got a terrible computer virus yesterday and had to reinstall windows and reformat my hard-drive. I kept my work on an external drive, but I have to reinstall Guitar Pro, so it will be some time before I start working on it again and will be able to C4C.


Also, thank you DragtheWaters11 and Tsunami3000 for your crits.
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
Last edited by champayne at Aug 16, 2010,
champayne
Sexual Harassment Panda
Join date: Sep 2006
843 IQ
#7
Quote by huevos
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=25034476#post25034476

Whenever you get GP running again, take a look at that.
You could also download Tuxguitar. From what I've heard and seen, it functions quite like GP, but without the RSE.


Nah I already got GP running, so I'll leave a crit in a sec. I had TuxGuitar before, but I never found use for it since I had GP.
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
Grovermans
.. / .- -- / --. --- -..
Join date: Jan 2004
2,846 IQ
#8
The only reason I'm looking at this is because of the Always Sunny reference. I don't have much to say about it; it's good. My only complaint is that some of the straight powerchord parts are a bit boring. For that matter, I think you could use some fuller chords for a lot of the song. Just maybe something more than three-note chords. I think it would really help the song sound more complete, even if you just use a couple four-string chords or something. Anyway. It was rather enjoyable, however nowhere near the brilliance that is The Nightman Cometh.

I just want to sleep forever.


piratemetalhead
Registered User
Join date: May 2007
2,274 IQ
#9
Didnt expect this sort of song, really unique sounding stuff

Sounds more proggy than metal to me for some reason, maybe because I just cant figure out a specific genre to put it under. Lots of interesting and far-out (excuse me for outdated slang) ideas, but they all flow and line up together very well

I like it constantly weaves back and forth from an intense mood and a melodic, "pretty" sounding thing, and the leads sound very nice.

Really well-put together piece, only wish it was a bit longer (though I wouldnt call it too short at the same time). Also, counterstrike is awesome
champayne
Sexual Harassment Panda
Join date: Sep 2006
843 IQ
#10
Thanks for the crits everyone! And yes Grovermans, I simply cannot outdo Charlie. And yeah, piratemetalhead, I couldn't think of a genre either :/. And that weaving was kind of what I was going for. It isn't what I traditionally write, but I want to write more songs of similar style.
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
169290
Banned
Join date: Oct 2005
820 IQ
#11
Critting as i listen first half of the first i like but then the second half it kinda feels like the wrong chord but still sounds fine none the less

Through out i found the drums kept cutting out not sure if this is intentional or GP bugging or what but if it is intentional get rid of the volume changes for the drums

I also think you should remove the bends on bar 34-35-39-40-41-42 could be just GP and it sounds better played on a real guitar but it just doesnt sound right now

I also thought the riff at 44 onwards sounds almost cheesy, happy yes maybe a little to happy lol

anywho good stuff overall i personally think its a bit to happy sounding

6/10 mainly due to the drums and the fact theres only about 3-4 riffs move it around a little what you have is good its just a little repetative sounding and the drum trap is mucked up
champayne
Sexual Harassment Panda
Join date: Sep 2006
843 IQ
#12
Quote by 169290
Critting as i listen first half of the first i like but then the second half it kinda feels like the wrong chord but still sounds fine none the less

Through out i found the drums kept cutting out not sure if this is intentional or GP bugging or what but if it is intentional get rid of the volume changes for the drums

I also think you should remove the bends on bar 34-35-39-40-41-42 could be just GP and it sounds better played on a real guitar but it just doesnt sound right now

I also thought the riff at 44 onwards sounds almost cheesy, happy yes maybe a little to happy lol

anywho good stuff overall i personally think its a bit to happy sounding

6/10 mainly due to the drums and the fact theres only about 3-4 riffs move it around a little what you have is good its just a little repetative sounding and the drum trap is mucked up


Hmm.... strange, I don't really see any problems with the drums. The beginning is a open and closed hi-hat, that's all I can think of. I think it's just GP ****ing up. I have critted peoples songs with GP messing up and I had a few crits where people said something, went back, and said that it was only GP acting up. So I don't know, but thanks for the crit anyway.
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
butterfingers30
__________
Join date: Jul 2009
703 IQ
#13
Hey man sorry it took me so long to respond. But I just listened to "The Nightman Awakens"......and wow, I loved it. The fast pace of the intro really got me interested early, and by the time the bass kicked in, I was enjoying it. All those little lead licks throughout the song were great and were timed just right. One of my favorite parts was around measure 23 and a little after. And one last thing I really enjoyed was that the whole tone and feel of the song changed about half way through and took a more softer side. Overall, I thought it was great and would love to hear a actual recording of it someday.
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uprawrock
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2006
128 IQ
#14
Drag the Waters' first half sentence tells me he's a douchebag.
Last edited by uprawrock at Jan 4, 2011,
cptazad
Jeff Loomis is God
Join date: Jan 2006
1,704 IQ
#15
intro reminds me of system of a down hahaha
"Our revenge so everlasting sweet,
Enslave your Children, Behead the weak,
Kill every last Man, Woman and Machine
The cleansing has begun.
Your meek defense is foolish,
we come from the stars a trillion strong."