#1
i am going away on monday and will return crits in september
seventeen ('and the stars are tumbling' - Josh Ritter)


the sky can smack you in the face
and it hurts,
even if expected.
you're there lying on your back
and as a burning rock soars and screams
across the vast expanse/indifference
of everything above,
it hits.
church bells chime in the distance.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#2
is there more to this? it seems to have a good foundation but no meat to it.
it left me with questions but it wasn't the strongest piece i've read in awhile..
the sky can smack you in the face
and it hurts,

this ^^ was the first line I didn't like in it. just the "and it hurts"
this line seems too brief, describe the pain in more detail, tell why it hurts.

across the vast expanse/indifference

use indifference rather than expanse. this word seems to flow a little better.

church bells chime in the distance.


this line confused me? why is it there, unless this is incomplete.
if it is complete, maybe just remove this line in its entirety?
"it hits", is a better ending.
I like this piece, despite its rough ending, its decent.
6/10
C4C?
#3
thank you
the / doesn't mean I want to choose one word or the other, they're both part of the piece.
and the clock was chiming midnight, making it my seventeenth birthday. I should probably make that clear.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!