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#1
A couple years ago, I sent my friend a love letter. I made a thread about it, so if you feel like reading it, here it is: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=977301&page=1&pp=20

I just sent her another one that I'd like to share with you guys. Be warned, reading it might be a waste of your time, but.... you're on UG, right? Isn't that why you come here? To waste time?


Dearest ******,

It's been a while since I've seen you, but rest assured, my love for you has not faded. Indeed, my time away from you has been like a car ride on the interstate when one has a diarrhea poop bubbling in one's gut. You are my destination, and with each minute that passes, the bubbles in my gut grow ever more intense. But I take comfort in knowing that I will soon find sweet release in your toilet bowl arms. I need you to hold me. Look into my eyes and tell me you feel the same. Do I make your guts bubble? Do I?

When last our eyes met, mine locked onto yours like an F-22 infrared targeting system. I remember it well. Suddenly, though, your breasts released decoy flares and my sidewinder missile gaze locked onto a new target. But my love missile was still on course. And no, that is not a double entendre--I am referring to my penis and nothing else.

But I do love you.

You are so incredibly hot and without you I am cold. Lie down next to me and together we will break the second law of thermodynamics. Turn down the lights--I will be your perpetual motion machine. Be my Gulf of Mexico. Like oil, my brown skin will flow into you and nothing will be able to seperate us. I'll be in you for years. We will make a beautiful mess, but I will help with the clean up efforts. I have towels and spare bed linens.

I am a minority. Be my subprime mortgage loan and give yourself to me, even if you aren't really sure if I should have you.

Be like an obscure similie that only I get.

Be ******, the most beautiful girl in the world--who is also the happiest girl in the world because she is having sex with me.

Love,
Me.


EDIT:
Her name isn't a curse word. I censored it out on purpose.
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
#3
tf;cf?

I'm not on the internet much anymore, help me out with that.
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
#4
Quote by BigFatSandwich
A couple years ago, I sent my friend a love letter. I made a thread about it, so if you feel like reading it, here it is: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=977301&page=1&pp=20

I just sent her another one that I'd like to share with you guys. Be warned, reading it might be a waste of your time, but.... you're on UG, right? Isn't that why you come here? To waste time?


Dearest ******,

It's been a while since I've seen you, but rest assured, my love for you has not faded. Indeed, my time away from you has been like a car ride on the interstate when one has a diarrhea poop bubbling in one's gut. You are my destination, and with each minute that passes, the bubbles in my gut grow ever more intense. But I take comfort in knowing that I will soon find sweet release in your toilet bowl arms. I need you to hold me. Look into my eyes and tell me you feel the same. Do I make your guts bubble? Do I?

When last our eyes met, mine locked onto yours like an F-22 infrared targeting system. I remember it well. Suddenly, though, your breasts released decoy flares and my sidewinder missile gaze locked onto a new target. But my love missile was still on course. And no, that is not a double entendre--I am referring to my penis and nothing else.
But I do love you.

You are so incredibly hot and without you I am cold. Lie down next to me and together we will break the second law of thermodynamics. Turn down the lights--I will be your perpetual motion machine. Be my Gulf of Mexico. Like oil, my brown skin will flow into you and nothing will be able to seperate us. I'll be in you for years. We will make a beautiful mess, but I will help with the clean up efforts. I have towels and spare bed linens.

I am a minority. Be my subprime mortgage loan and give yourself to me, even if you aren't really sure if I should have you.

Be like an obscure similie that only I get.

Be ******, the most beautiful girl in the world--who is also the happiest girl in the world because she is having sex with me.

Love,
Me.


EDIT:
Her name isn't a curse word. I censored it out on purpose.



Epic love letter, I fell in love with you.
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#5
...what? That's a bit...no. Bad.
If 4 more people tell me to go back to writing The Vanishing Point, I will.


UG's Commie Pinko Bedwetter
#6
Quote by BigFatSandwich
tf;cf?

I'm not on the internet much anymore, help me out with that.

too funny; couldn't finish
#7
I remember the first letter, but i can't remember how she reacted. What did she say?
Sail upon the open skies
#8
Quote by MightyAl
too funny; couldn't finish

Ha! Oh, awesome!

Quote by angusfan16
I remember the first letter, but i can't remember how she reacted. What did she say?

She really appreciated it.
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
Last edited by BigFatSandwich at Aug 14, 2010,
#10
Quote by BigFatSandwich
Ha! Oh, awesome!

I got to the bit where her tits released decoys, and that was that.
#12
That's awesome on many, many levels.
---

"L'esclave parfait est celui qui croit être libre."

---
#15
Do I make you bubble? Do I?
Gear:

Gibson 2005 Les Paul Standard
Fender Road Worn Strat w/ Noiseless pickups
Marshall JCM 2000 401C
Marshall Vintage Modern 2266
Marshall 1960A cab (Dave Hill from Slade's old cab)
Ibanez TS9DX
EHX Little Big Muff
Freshman Acoustic
#18
So her breasts release flares huh?
>_>
There's danger on the edge of town,
Ride the king's highway baby



#21
Quote by Manimosity
So her breasts release flares huh?
>_>


And she has Fried Chicken eyes.


Also, this is as great as the first one.
Sail upon the open skies
Last edited by angusfan16 at Aug 14, 2010,
#22
If that bubbling diarrhea poop line doesn't win her over, nothing ever will.
Meadows
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I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#24
What are you dense?
Are you retarded or something?
Who the hell do you think I am?
I'm the goddamn Batman.

April 19th, 2011: The Night of the Boob

#26


Quote by teachmeviolence
Headbang until your head becomes detached from the rest of your body, then throw it into the crowd while you play a killer guitar solo. Trust me, it would be totally br00tal.


Are You a PROG-HEAD? I am.
#27
Do F22's have infra-red targetting?
Quote by Kumanji
How about you don't insult my friend's dead mum, you prick.


Quote by JDawg
Too be he had to be a dick about his crayons.
#29
Did you ever find out if she was joking when she thought your last letter was "sweet"
Quote by leg end

"Roses are red,
Violets are bitchin'
Goddammit woman,
get back in the kitchen"
#30
I thought Carmel asked you to stop writing?

1977 Burny FLG70
2004 EBMM JP6
2016 SE Holcolmb
#31
Quote by sites.nick
Did you ever find out if she was joking when she thought your last letter was "sweet"

I think she figured the letter was a joke, but the message behind it was real.
Quote by Tom 1.0
I thought Carmel asked you to stop writing?

Hahahaha...
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
#32




Holy shit TS. That was the funniest thing I've read all summer.
Quote by UntilISleep
You have excellent taste in literature, dear sir

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You have excellent taste in video games, good sir.

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You have terrible taste in signatures, idiotic sir.

kkoo
#33


You need to get laid, dude, but letter pretty much won me over
Call me Cam
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Han shot first. Greedo's dead.
#34
I hope you guys live together forever increasing the entropy of the universe, forever and ever.
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#35
Quote by MakinLattes
she'd be a fool not to take you.

immediately.

This. You romantic man, you. Such a charmer!
YELLOWFRIZBEE s FreezerBurn


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#36
By the way, that bear can really play guitar.
Quote by Kumanji
How about you don't insult my friend's dead mum, you prick.


Quote by JDawg
Too be he had to be a dick about his crayons.
#37
Dude, you should write short stories. You'd make a killing
Quote by UntilISleep
You have excellent taste in literature, dear sir

Quote by Primus2112
You have excellent taste in video games, good sir.

Quote by GbAdimDb5m7
You have terrible taste in signatures, idiotic sir.

kkoo
#39
Quote by izbbass
Dude, you should write short stories. You'd make a killing

Haha I actually thought about doing that before... I don't know why I haven't.

But perhaps I will!
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
#40
Omg ! Wth is wrong with you people? I just read the first love letter lmao. I gotta say, MUCH better than this one imo. Loved it.


How in the world did the first one get "Meh" and "not a fan" but this one gets "WTFBBQ YES!"? Because he added something about bubbly diarrhea? Aye! Youre too easy, pit. Props to TS though, any girl would be crazy not to fall for that quality romancing
YELLOWFRIZBEE s FreezerBurn


Stepco's Master
|Colowomble 2016|PSN=yellowfrizbee| + UG Community Radio|
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