#1
UPDATED: 2nd version of song can be found in post #5. After frankibo's comment about the bassline being too dull in the 1st version i decided to take his advice and proceeded to revamp the whole song. So again please provide crits so i can make further changes. I will leave the 1st version up just so anyone who is interested can see the progress/change.


Hey guys, this is my 1st time posting a song of my own after lurking this board for years but of course that doesn't mean go easy on me. Please be as brutally honest as you can.

Also i happened to have some writers block when composing this one. At bars 22-24 and 54-56 i intended the saxophone to still be playing but i literally went blank trying to compose a melody or lick at that point.

So even for a bit of fun, if you guys want to take a crack at adding in a melody/lick for me and re-upload the guitar pro file, feel free to do so.

Cheers anyway for any crits and be sure to add a link if you want me to crit back.
Attachments:
Four Leaf Clover.gp5
Four Leaf Clover.gp4
Four Leaf Clover.mid
Last edited by Axe Samurai at Oct 13, 2010,
#2
Quote by Axe Samurai
brutishly


Brutishly or brutally? I'm not comfortable giving a crit until I know which.
My songs are all located here .
Feel free to drop by and crit a song.
Leave a link and I'll return a crit



Colossus
#4
I don't think brutishly is a word... I could be wrong. I'll give a proper crit another time but I can say I really enjoyed it although I didn't like the fact that it just blindly repeated half way through without changing much and I thought the bassline was dull. But it was very melodic and it sounded lovely
My songs are all located here .
Feel free to drop by and crit a song.
Leave a link and I'll return a crit



Colossus
#5
Here's the 2nd Version of Four Leaf Clover.

List of changes i've made since the 1st Version include:

  • Completey redevolped bassline
  • Added Saxophone at bars 22-25 and 54-57
  • Removed trumpet (was a pointless instrument)
  • Changed the drums for the A section
  • Switched the piano to a rhodes and dropped the volume
  • Added a 2 bar drum fill at bars 27-28 and 59-60
Attachments:
Four Leaf Clover 2nd Version.gp5
Four Leaf Clover 2nd Version.gp4
Four Leaf Clover 2nd Version.mid
#6
It has a nice, laid back feel to it. I don't really see too many things I'd change about it. It feels like it goes on for a little too long but if it were actually being played with improvisations and such as intended then I'm sure that would go away.

I felt like there could have been a little more variety in there, like there was in the beginning, but again, with jazz songs like this you don't ever just play them straight up.
So those criticisms don't really mean much

Overall it has a great feel to it and I think that it was well done. Chord progression and voice leading sounded good to me although I didn't analyze them. The melody was solid as well. It would be a good song for the end of a long day, just sitting and relaxing. Can't criticize too much here.
Quote by DiminishedFifth
Who's going to stop you? The music police?
#7
A:

I really am liking the bass ideas present from the get go in this song. The intro clean guitar solo is very solid, especially for this style. The drums are also very impressive. Very simple, but yet they seem so complex. The triplets add a lot to say the least. The little build up and release into B is nice as well.

Bridge:

I like the change in timbre. I don't like the MIDI sound of any of the brassy instruments, and it does not do any justice to the sax. That said, compositionally its sounding good by me.

A revisited:

I feel like there is some unwanted disonnance, though that could be just defective slides/vibrato/bends in my Guitar Pro. They seem to **** up on occasion on my mac. At this point I feel that the song is maintaining too much of the same theme. There needs to be more done with the tempo. The melody is also starting to be a bit too much, mostly do to the slowness of the song.

The Guitar/Sax improv:

I would assume in a recording you would do more here. If this is what you would intend to play it would be lacking extensively.

Bridge 2:

There is more soul in this section than the earlier bridge. I would recommending doing something more with the drums or perhaps bass in this section to give them more opportunity to shine.

Outro:

This section essentially adheres to the theme of the entire song. Kind of dull to be honest. It probably would work better if more was going on in the song. I feel almost like the song is just a repeated theme with occasional variations and different timbres.


Overall:

What you have here are decent riffs and some good flowing sections, but you should really do more to distinguish the theme melody from some additional sections to keep my attention. You have a really solid foundation and I think minimally you should work in a new, completely unique section that has the capacity to return to the theme melody throughout. Also, with the imrpov/solo sections do more with the dynamics on the drums if anything. Even if you repeat the same chord progression, switching up the drums throughout would definitely distinguish the solo section from the main melody.

C4C if you don't mind:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1371645