#1
Been writing this song for a while and planning on working on it with the band but i want to know what others think first, so let me know. I just spent like a minute writing what little solo there is and as you can see its obviously not finished. Thank you!

C4C

EDIT: Messed with some stuff
Attachments:
SEA OF GLASS.gp5
SEA OF GLASS 2.gp5
Last edited by QAZAR at Aug 17, 2010,
#2
Intro opens in spectacular fashion. I quite like it.

Next--The Faceless riff--- was kinda meh. I used to be into that stuff a while back, but it doesn't draw me in so much now.

Aeon stylie. You know what I'm talking about (Verse section if not). Good stuff here.

****ing bees is an appropriate title. As for my perception of it, I did not like it so much. It lacks substance.

Verse again. Yay!

Bar 24 section is very lukewarm to me. It seems like filler to be honest.

tension is aight. And the trem section after it as well.

I'm not going crazy over "Go Crazy". It's The Faceless/Psycroptic demographic that you're trying to appeal to here (even if that wasn't the purpose of this section). Which I don't fall under.

Solo thyme! This solo has a lot of punch. I wouldn't mess with those 4 bars that you have there. It's excellence defined.

Vocals here and I don't even... are good. A tasty breakdown without sounding derivative or trite. I like seeing breakdowns that can redeem the sins of it's overused metalcore brethren.

Your songs are always atypical and familiar at the same time. I don't know how you do it.
But keep it up.

EDiT: Though there are sections that you could improve. Like the aforementioned Faceless sections and ****ing bees.
Now that I mention it, my comment on that section is quite, "complementary".
Last edited by huevos at Aug 16, 2010,
#3
Thank you huevos. Any tips on improving the ****in bees riff? Id rather keep that riff because i can see it sounding badass

remember people i C4C and i need more responses.
#4
Awesome. Id say its better than most than death metal tabs people post on this forum. The intro was pretty savage. While the part right after is very Faceless, i still think it fits quite well. The verse riff is badass sounding and alot like Aeon, as the above poster mentioned.

Overall i thought it was awesome. The end riff rules. Only advice i would give is i think it could use a longer solo and if your band is planning on playing this i would love to see it/hear a real recorded version. Your bass player must be insane if hes gonna play this.
#5
I agree with the Faceless comparison. It's all pretty good, especially the guitar riffs, but the drums seem off-beat in some sections, like the snares in the solo. I would give those some more fine tuning.

C4C?
#6
Quote by lord_nosfuratu
Awesome. Id say its better than most than death metal tabs people post on this forum. The intro was pretty savage. While the part right after is very Faceless, i still think it fits quite well. The verse riff is badass sounding and alot like Aeon, as the above poster mentioned.

Overall i thought it was awesome. The end riff rules. Only advice i would give is i think it could use a longer solo and if your band is planning on playing this i would love to see it/hear a real recorded version. Your bass player must be insane if hes gonna play this.

Like I said the solo was just there to let you know there might be a solo there. I wrote the rest of it and messed with some shit, mainly the drums at some parts. ill put the new version in the original post now
#8
Intro - loved it, great stuff

Build - the riff sounded awkward at first, but harmonizing it worked

verse - nice 32nds =D

****in bees - ha, awesome stuff

verse - 32nds **** yeah

> - nice riff

tension - eh

> - alright riff

go crazy - this is actually less crazy than the previous parts =D

solo - 36-37 are amazing, necrophagist-like stuff; after that sounds a bit awkward

vocals here - no vocals :[

i dont even know - alright

Overall - Cool stuff, but it could be improved
All is ghost in memory and poison in the sun
#9
Listening to the new version.
I didn't notice too many changes outside the solo and that "black" metal/krieg/kvlt section towards the end.

And I didn't really like either.

The last 2 riffs work perfect together. There absolutely no need to place another riff in between the 2. It really messed with the ambiance, the tone of finality.

Add on to the solo was meh. Speedy runs are nice, but the melody that you have going on in first 4 bars was quite intriguing. I'd say give the solo a bit more breathing space.

As for ****ing Bee's, I'd say don't. A bee sting in the groin---nvm.
What you can do here is, probably just get rid of the section. I know tech death (and death metal in general) is big on atonality, but enough is enough. It just isn't memorable. At least not in a good way; I found it to be a blemish on an otherwise solid song.
#11
I would give you a 10/10 for the updated version except for one thing. Like huevos said, the add on to bars 46 and 47 kind of ruin it. The 2 riffs were perfect together and that little change kind of interrupts the feel.
#12
As we go...

Beginning, sounds a little rushed but really cool.

Verse, really cool but sounds really hard to play.

The bees part sounds crazy, I would love to see you play this.

Measure 24 reminds me of somesort of breakdown. I don't know why.

Tension needs to be turned up.

Go crazy is awesome.

The solo needs to be turned up. But otherwise awesome.

Vocals here sounds like a breakdown again.

Here's some crit for the entire song.

I noticed that the drums are pretty much the same throughout the entire song, don't be afraid to make them really weird, cuz weird is awesome.

Overall, I really enjoyed it, I would give it 7.5/10 so far. Crit the one in my sig?