#1
Hey friends, I haven't posted here in a while. Hopefully people are still cool! Check out this poem I wrote for a friend's creative writing class to get her sent to the office

Young and restless,
I have no sense of remorse
or sense of security.
I am falling victim to your hatred and
I am crying as you are up against this wall.
As your body becomes limp from my body's lashing love,
my tears and sweat combine
to form a perfect concoction of haste and lust.
Keep pulling at my heart strings,
and as my breathing slows
to a quick stop,
I pull you closer to get one last look at you.
I feel your pain.
I feel your agony.
I feel you,
looking at me with broken eyes,
begging "please" let me be.
Write your own lyrics or poetry? Post them HERE for a crit.
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#2
I liked it. A very strange topic, but well written. I really liked some of the vocabulary you used, like concoction. But I did have one little problem, the last line:

begging "please" let me be.

I would put the quotations from please to the end of the sentence. Like, begging "please let me be." But over all very good Keep on Writing
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I am the 24 Wild Rovers
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#3
Quote by 24WildRovers
I liked it. A very strange topic, but well written. I really liked some of the vocabulary you used, like concoction. But I did have one little problem, the last line:

begging "please" let me be.

I would put the quotations from please to the end of the sentence. Like, begging "please let me be." But over all very good Keep on Writing


You know, I wrote this months ago, and I when I was posting it on here, I saw that, and I didn't know why, but I figured that I did it for a reason then, so I didn't change it.
Thank you for the post, I appreciate it.
Write your own lyrics or poetry? Post them HERE for a crit.
Follow me on Twitter