#1
Coming back from a play
I try to separate the reality
of theatre from the street.

There are intentional actors
and there are ones that play life scenes
with accidental mastery.

I fall into a taxi and run through my lines
with the driver as if they were payment
needed for my destination.

He’s Charon and the road is river Styx,
as we’re moving in and out of motion;
traffic imitating rapids.

His politeness catches me unguarded
and I find myself smiling just before
I stumble out into the heat again.

The street is somewhere
in between the first and second act,
when no one’s sure how it will end.

It’s quiet and I stop
trying harder to listen for the prompt to tell me
what comes next.

The whisper never comes, as always
and the sirens breaking in the distance
tell another tale, one not for me.
This is not a pipe
#2
There are intentional actors
and there are ones that play life scenes
with accidental mastery.
Excelent stanza

I fall into a taxi and run through my lines
with the driver as if they were payment
needed for my destination.
Honestly this stanza didn't include the perfect flow you had going in the preceding stanza

He’s Charon and the road is river Styx,
as we’re moving in and out of motion;
traffic imitating rapids.
I like the mention of Greek Mythology here, and a great use of imagry with it

His politeness catches me unguarded I think that this could use something a little more exotic, but the only thing that comes to my mind is chivelry, but I'm sure you can come up with something nice
and I find myself smiling just before
I stumble out into the heat again. Normally heat would be well enough for me, but by what I've read so far, you could do better, maybe even make another allegory to Greek Mythology or something. Or even an allegory to the stage would sound nice

The street is somewhere
in between the first and second act,
when Where no one’s sure how it will end.

It’s quiet and I stop
trying harder to listen for the prompt to tell me
what comes next.

The whisper never comes, as always
and the sirens breaking in the distance
tell another tale, one not for me.
Fantastic ending

I thought this was excelently written, as is most of your work. I did enjoy reading this and all I can really say is Keep on Writing
Comments or Suggestions
Omit or Change
Suggested Changes


I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
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Last edited by 24WildRovers at Aug 17, 2010,
#3
Wow, just wow. I'm sorry, that's all I can say. It's excellent.
#4
Miss Carmel, <3.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#6
I really can't say anything other than I loved this. Understated, the subtle references really lifted it, great opening lines - imaginative, that notion really drove the piece.
#7
brilliant ideas and execution. like hendrix said, the subtle lines which built the theatre theme were great and the Charon line added a lot of depth to the piece, from where I interpreted it. But besides from its content, I thought the piece's form was great too. The short, three-line stanzas kind of created a stop-and-go action for me, which can be interpreted many ways. Great stuff, Carmel
here, My Dear, here it is