Judges never sent me their input so I picked myself

1ST PLACE- Element4433

Name: Everyman (or Marty Alexander)

Powers: Drives his kids to soccer/piano lessons/ballet/school, successfully landed the Johnson account, had a date last week--it went okay, still has most of his hair, gets three movies on Netflix at a time, very good at Solitaire, gets to see his kids every weekend/one month in the summer/every other Christmas

Lives in: a three bedroom apartment four miles away from his ex-wife and her new husband's house, so he can be there for his kids if they need him. He works for a business that sells printer ink to big companies.

Source of powers: First he went to a two year community college, then he transferred to South Western Missouri State college to get a degree in business.

Weaknesses: Sometimes he forgets to do stuff, you have to hit his TV for the picture to come on, often sleeps through his alarm so he's late to work, has back problems

Archenemy: Kathy used to be an ally. The two met in college and got married shortly after. They were married for sixteen years and had three children. Then that fucker Ron came along and screwed everything up (but really he brought a lot of it on himself with his lack of effort)
2ND PLACE- The Pineapple


-Power/s That they have
When excited, PenisMan grows tall and is able to shoot goo onto his opponents.

-A description, drawing (or both) of what they look like.

- Where they live, how they maintain an income to survive etc.
PenisMan lives in the pant section of JCPenney, not needing any food/water to survive.

- Is their identity a secret?
Yes. PenisMan walks the streets as a normal man with a...weird shaped body i guess.

- Significant other?
PenisMan is married to VagWoman

- How did they come to posses their power/s?
PenisMan was born with his powers, they came naturally to him.

- Internal Conflicts and weaknesses (if any)
PenisMan's weakness is that if he does not get excited for days, he gets grumpy and must find a way to please himself.

-A brief description of their arch enemy.
PenisMans enemy is GayPenisMan. He cannot get excited around GayPenisMan, and therefore his powers become useless.



Name of Super Hero: Jesusman. (Also known as ‘Messiahman’ and ‘Yahwehman’ and ‘Zombiejesusman&rsquo

Power/s That they have: Jesusman has many different powers. His most popular power is the ability to turn water into wine, making him very popular at teen parties. He can also walk on water, an ability that proved essential in his effort to rescue survivors from the Titanic. He is also known to be able to cure leprosy which he used to great effect in the Great Zombie Onslaught of the early 90’s. He can also cast out demons and cure blindness. His most well known power is the ability to sacrifice himself for your sins. Unfortunately he can only do this once, and having already done so in 1945 means that everyone after this will have to fend their sins for themselves. Since then, a new power of his was revealed, his power to return to life after three days. This is the source for his name ‘Zombiejesusman’, which was made popular after the aforementioned GZO.

A description, drawing (or both) of what they look like.

(a painting from Jesusmans service in Iraq)

Where they live, how they maintain an income to survive etc. Jesusman, despite the potential for amassing huge wealth through healthcare services, chooses to live in relative poverty. Infact his 12 sidekicks (known as the ‘Apostleboys&rsquo claim his only possessions are the clothes he wears, his sandals, his rifle and some old nails he wears on a chain around his neck. Most often Jesusman frequents the Middle East, particularly Israel, but he has been seen in and around many international locations including, but not limited to, Westboro Baptist Church, the Eiffel Tower, the Great Wall of China and even Antartica.

Is their identity a secret? Jesusman’s identity is very secret, the only clues he has given us as to his origins are that he is “the Son of Godman” (Godman was a very famous (and sometimes infamous) superhero active about 2000 years ago, who went missing after the Floodgate scandal), “part of the Trinity” (an legendary allegiance between Godman, Spiritman and a mysterious third party). These cryptic clues offer no real direction as to Jesusmans true identity, so we must keep guessing until more evidence presents itself.

Significant other? As already mentioned Jesusman’s disciples are the twelve Apostleboys, but he is reportedly in a romantic affair with Magdalenelady. Again, like many elements of Jesusman’s personal life, this remains a mystery.

How did they come to posses their power/s? There are many rumours of this, some say he was bestowed with his powers by three kings and their shepherd slaves, others say it was a near fatal accident involving a radioactive substance and a wooden cross. Jesusman, however, when asked this question Jesusman reverts back to saying that he is Godman. Even if this were true this would offer no further insight into how Jesusman arrived at these powers, for this is not even known about Godman.

Internal Conflicts and weaknesses (if any) Jesusman’s weakness, according to himself, is that he is “a mortal man, and suffers the same problems all men suffer”. Experts say that Jesusman is very up himself, overconfident and even condescending when dealing with people.

A brief description of their arch enemy. Satanman (also known as ‘Devildude’, ‘Beelzebubman’, ‘Luciferman’ and ‘Serpentman&rsquo is Jesusman’s only real enemy. Satanman has been known to tempt Jesusman with gifts, but all these attempts have proven futile to Jesusmans incredible superpowers. Satanman is well known for his red skin, horns, pointed tail and trident but has also been known to take on the form of a serpent. When in the form of a serpent Satanman likes to poison his victims with apples. Satanman was last seen on the 3rd August 1990 after a hugely destructive battle took place between the two arch enemies in Rome, Italy. It has since been reported that Satanman is preparing a huge attack, due sometime in 2011, which only Jesusman can save us from.
Tick tock and waiting for the meteor
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Hangs out on the interwebz and laughs at dumb misspellings.
Last edited by In The Mist at Aug 17, 2010,
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