#1
This is one of my songs i guess. Its to kid cudi's man on the moon instrumental obviously. Tell me what you thing.

Verse
I be that man on the moon. Part 2 make some room cause im coming through.
Like soon or like later say **** everyone because they are just haters
no love for a stranger.
Keep my guard up, never is enough.
But if forever is never than i guess we're just stuck.
All i got is lust, no love for a bitch.
Maybe one day i can flip that switch.

Chorus
But i am (crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy)
Confused with life and the world im living in.
i am (crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy)
Lost in time and in my own mind.
i am (crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy)
Not satisfied but im getting by.
i am (crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy)
looking for someone but im the only one left.

Im the lost soul. Everyone dead.
3 A.M. thoughts in my head while im in bed.
Things I should've said or the things I never did.
Either way we are just kids in this world we're living in.
Never had a chance and now I'm losing all hope.
Friends, drink, and smoke is how i cope.
You know where I am. Up on the moon.
If you feel alone you can visit me too.

Verse 2
So far away in outer-space. I cant hear a sound or see the look on your face.
Not a trace of a beat of a heart so discreet follow me to the stars and you'll finally see
Inner-peace and believe that things will get better.
Happiness is the key no not the cheddar.
But weaker men give their souls to the devil.
I'll never sell out. Not even a little.

Hook
But i am (crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy)
Feeling good just like I should.
i am (crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy)
Opening my eyes and feeling alright.
i am (crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy)
Never alone and this I know.
But i am (crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy)
Looking for someone but you're already here.

Im a conscious soul and everyones alive.
Without my friends I never could've survived.
Im not saying that I had it rough.
but everyones looking for a little bit of love.
I always had a chance and now I have hope.
Since I have that I dont need to cope.
You know where I am. up on the moon.
If you feel alone i hope this helps you get through.
Get Busy Livin' Or Get Busy Dyin'.
#2
Rhymes in the chorus wouldn't hurt. Just a simple thing like "... mind" rhyming with ".. but I am the only one left [behind]".

Really good, gives me sort of a Pink Floyd feeling when reading it
#3
i was trying not rhyme. Idk since it is the chorus bit felt it would give the song a different feel. haha.

But thank you kind sir.
Get Busy Livin' Or Get Busy Dyin'.
#4
I think you should expand your vocabulary; if you have a wide vocab already, use it.
Look at what Cudi did in the song itself:
"I'm somethin' different all [i]aspects[/i]
don't want a woman just to love her [i]assets[/i]
i'd still wife her up even with her [i]flat chest[/i]
the type to get hurt, but that's the [i]past tense[/i]."


You using words like hope and cope, dead and bed...Seems to detract from it. Really though, single syllable rhymes are fine, just try to avoid such trite words (at least you didn't have alone/own in there).

The best section is probably that bit before the second verse, because of its ideas. Pretty universal, hence easy to relate to and easy to remember, but you can do so much more and so much better with other words.
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn


#5
I see what you're saying. This is just a rough draft so i will probably make changes to it.

Thanks
Get Busy Livin' Or Get Busy Dyin'.