#1
heavy water-algae algee algy
wraps bowed around an anchor low,
tender grip tightening the sea
bottom-S.S. Nevermind as i’ve forgotten
as soon as i thought it-your birthday last
spring, did that still happen? happy, happy,
happy-feel good, no feel better,
said a sailor once as i threw my lunch
portside-but your birthday, how about it?
twenty-one? two? sometimes it takes me
three tries to guess the name of the brothers
that first took flight,
Williams, no,
Wendell, no,
Wright.
#2
Man, I just love your rhyming schemes. It definately takes several read throughs to get the flow down, which could be a downfall of it for someone just skimming over this. Maybe change the structure? But then again that takes away from the piece growing on ya. Awesome introduction with the first 4 lines. Really enjoyed this and your last piece, congrats on wotw.
#3

it makes me so happy to read you matt.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#6
Reads quite well to me! I also thought the ending was rather catching! Good toss, good sir.
INFLUENCES
Jason Mraz, The White Stripes (Jack White), Nirvana, The Beatles, The Black Keys
Please help make me better! Critique my work:
Dream it Over, Again