#1
HEY Wrote a ballad thingy .. Tell me what u think!

I showed you the wrong way.
Didn't even care what you had to say.
Keep telling myself i'm a bad friend.
Still You're telling me that this is not the end.

I'm sorry it didn't turn out,
the way we planned.
Had to follow my own voice,
It was never my choice.
My secret is that I heard you
Everytime you cried.
I guess you noticed
Everytime I lied.

We didn't speak for weeks.
Suddenly stopped when we had something unique.
I admit, it was all my fault.
We were perfect together, just like pepper and salt.

I'm full of regret.
My cheeks are now completely wet.
From all the tears that I shed.
For you I'd give my last piece of bread.
All the tears I shed.
For you i'd give my last piece of bread.


Thanks!
Last edited by Mackan1994 at Aug 19, 2010,
#2
hmm...as a ballad I guess it could work...but it was very full of cliche's, especially the rhymes. ie. cry, lie, way, say. One really nice stand out was this line

We didn't speak for weeks.
Suddenly stopped when we had something unique


As you said, very unique. It's a false rhyme, but then again nobody sticks to the standards anymore. Nicely played. The comparison of pepper and salt probably isn't the best way to describe two people, lol. Different, I'll give you that, but not very ballady.

Ballads are easy in one sense and hard in another. It's just trying to make something stand out from all the other past songs and not be the same. Listen to some bad 80's hair metal ballads and you'll see what I'm talking about.

It's a decent effort and you can tell it's a ballad, so that's a plus. Just think of ways to make it more unique to you. Keep up the writing and have a good one.
#3
Quote by Partyboy2k05
hmm...as a ballad I guess it could work...but it was very full of cliche's, especially the rhymes. ie. cry, lie, way, say. One really nice stand out was this line

We didn't speak for weeks.
Suddenly stopped when we had something unique


As you said, very unique. It's a false rhyme, but then again nobody sticks to the standards anymore. Nicely played. The comparison of pepper and salt probably isn't the best way to describe two people, lol. Different, I'll give you that, but not very ballady.

Ballads are easy in one sense and hard in another. It's just trying to make something stand out from all the other past songs and not be the same. Listen to some bad 80's hair metal ballads and you'll see what I'm talking about.

It's a decent effort and you can tell it's a ballad, so that's a plus. Just think of ways to make it more unique to you. Keep up the writing and have a good one.


Thanks man!