#1
Hey guys, just the start of an idea really, wondering what you thought?


this time it's my fault,
i see it in your eyes,
and every time i look in the mirror,
i'm hating what i see
'cause i know we had something,
that should never have been broken,
was it too much pressure, too much stress,
or just the dramas of fools?

Do you believe me when i say i'm sorry,
or do you just pretend,
when i sat forever and mean it,
do you still expect it to end?
My Band (As Faith Fades)


Quote by steven seagull
Elitist bollocks like this makes me want to vomit. You're so far up your own arse you could lick your own tonsils.
#2
sounds very sappy, whys everyone gotta be writing depressed music nowadays, welcome to the new era...

pretty good though i like it.
#3
Quote by Dmt8jr
sounds very sappy, whys everyone gotta be writing depressed music nowadays, welcome to the new era...

pretty good though i like it.



sappy's pretty true, tis about a breakup, y'know? i'm trying to move away from relationships and stuff, but this is the most i've written in a while

thanks though man :P
My Band (As Faith Fades)


Quote by steven seagull
Elitist bollocks like this makes me want to vomit. You're so far up your own arse you could lick your own tonsils.
#4
i kinda like it but i really think the "im hating wat i see" line stops the flow maybe make something ending with the word 'lies' and 2nd last line of first stanza isnt doing that good for me and also the word 'sat' in 3rd line of 2nd stanza feels awkward. now im saying all this for improving it since it has a lot of potential. i really liked the 2nd stanza on how the girl has forgiven you(or the narrater) but you still have doubt if she has or just pretending, i dont know if you meant it like that but thats wat i got from it so you should keep more of that stuff in there! its good enough, complete it and keep on writing
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I write poetry
And it sucks.
#5
Quote by leafwhisperer
i kinda like it but i really think the "im hating wat i see" line stops the flow maybe make something ending with the word 'lies' and 2nd last line of first stanza isnt doing that good for me and also the word 'sat' in 3rd line of 2nd stanza feels awkward. now im saying all this for improving it since it has a lot of potential. i really liked the 2nd stanza on how the girl has forgiven you(or the narrater) but you still have doubt if she has or just pretending, i dont know if you meant it like that but thats wat i got from it so you should keep more of that stuff in there! its good enough, complete it and keep on writing


thanks a million man, you kinda kickstarted my interest in this one again ahah, i just posted a new one in the forum with just "Untitled as the title if you fancy cheking it out? also, you got anything i can crit?

xx
My Band (As Faith Fades)


Quote by steven seagull
Elitist bollocks like this makes me want to vomit. You're so far up your own arse you could lick your own tonsils.