#1
Hey, I though I'd just do for a slightly different style to what I usually go for so this is an acoustic guitar piece that I wrote, would like to see what you think of it.

The chord pattern continues through the versus and am working on some solos.


G Em
You ain't nobody if you got nobody,
C Am
and you're all alone at the bar.
G Em
You think you know where you're going,
C Am
but you haven't come very far.
G Em
All you're friends have left you,
C Am
they all said au revoir.

D
But you could be a shooting star,
Am Em
if you believe in you are.

C-Am-Em X2

You see the girl across the room,
she's drinking with her mates.
You look at her, you catch her eye,
or is it a trick of fate.
You decide to walk, you start to talk,
you tell her she looks great.
As night draws in you ask her,
if she wants date.

She said yes, gave her number,
her name was Kate.

When you got home you had a quick shower,
then you picked the phone.
You dialled the number she gave you,
and listened to the dialling tone.
She picked and was impressed,
with the confidence you have shown.

She asked over her place,
she said she didn't wanna be alone.

Next night you look in you're wardrobe,
you wanted to be casual-smart.
You pull out you're purple shirt,
well at least that's a start.
You pick up wallet and car key,
as you prepare to depart.

You go to mart and put a bottle of wine,
in you're cart.

You pull up to her place and you ring the bell,
she opens the door with a smile.
She takes you to the longue,
where you talk for a little while.
The ovens beeps, you go and eat,
you'll be dining in style.
The foods the best you've had,
that's by a country mile.

You talk about holidays you've been on,
down the Nile.

Interlude 1

Six months later your in Egypt,
admiring the birds.

Interlude 2

Together travelling the world,
loves the word.

Solo

You are somebody if you got someone,
and you're together at the bar.
You think you known where you're going,
and you've travelled near and far.
All the worlds you're oyster,
you are a blazing star.

Together travelling the world,
loves the word.

Question how do I get the chords in the right places, they're supposed to be about half a line each?
Any comments appreciated.
Last edited by unp-ben at Aug 20, 2010,
#2
I liked the story going on, but to be honest, I felt like some of the lines were a little corny (i.e. "but you could be a shooting star/if you believe you are), and some lines could be edited out for length purposes.
You have some really great imagery and potential here though. I really dig the first few lines, and how the interludes work to show the passage of time.
#3
Thanks for such a quick response. Yh I might change that shooting star bit to blazing star to link in with the last verse. It quite a quick tempo so time shouldn't be a problem, I estimate it comes out to just under 5 minutes which I think is fine depending on the length of the interludes and solo. It's the first song I've tried without a chorus structure to tell a story rather than be catchy, although both is always good. I'm working on some nice little riffs and tabs for the instrumental parts.

Thanks again for your comments.