#1
I don't really like it it's just about a friend who committed suicide but....

Better But Still Broken

Let winter come, lets make it a good one
I want to see my breath when I breathe
I want to hear the chatter of my teeth
I was once well rounded and pure
Now I’ve been chewed down to the core
The thought of death brings me joy
To be finally free, I would want nothing more
But to off myself would be a selfish act
Philosophical question, opinion or fact?
Last edited by waltz #2 at Aug 21, 2010,
#5
Quote by waltz #2
I don't really like it it's just about a friend who committed suicide but....

Better But Still Broken

Let winter come, lets make it a good one
I want to see my breath when I breathe
I want to hear the chatter of my teeth
I was once well rounded and pure
Now I’ve been chewed down to the core
The thought of death brings me joy
To be finally free, I would want nothing more
But to off myself would be a selfish act
Philosophical question, opinion or fact?

This is actually good. I have no advice or anything to add to it.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1353352
"Music became a healer for me. And I learned to listen with all my being. I found that it could wipe away all the emotions of fear and confusion relating to my family." Eric Clapton
Last edited by Blackwaterson89 at Aug 22, 2010,
#6
That was really good. I really liked it. It was very clear, with a good idea/story (though no one likes suicide, and I feel very sorry for you and your friend.) I don't think I can think of any changes I would make to this Keep on Writing

Though I didn't really make any sort of contribution to your work, will you please take a minute and look at something I am trying here on Songwriting and Lyrics, it's kind of like a community love poem where everyone tries to write one epic love story https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1352959
Comments or Suggestions
Omit or Change
Suggested Changes


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