#1
This is an excerpt. True story.


Children today are hideous, and quite frankly I feel sorry for many of them having to walk around with those faces.
I never really noticed before, and I'm not sure if it’s exclusive to areas full of mobile phone masts and hastily dumped nuclear waste or if it’s that technological affronts to God such as microwave ovens are finally catching up with our genetics. Whatever the reason, it’s obviously become too chronic a problem to ignore.
I’ve always been fully aware of their dreadful personalities, and almost dizzying levels of ignorance, but I must’ve blocked out just how aesthetically unappealing they are. I can only assume it was a gradual devolution type deal. I'm fairly certain it hasn’t always been like this. Nobody ever notices problems until they reach critical mass.
I walked past my local primary school a few days ago, at lunchtime. The children were happily playing in the playground behind a blue plastic coated chain link fence. I'm an unemployed man with a beard, and in this day and age the last thing I want is to be seen by a hysterical kneejerk mother, glancing into a busy school playground, for fear of being branded as some sort of evil sexual predator.
If I'm faced with such a situation, I usually walk past briskly, headphones in, eyes straight ahead, and bizarrely, feeling compelled to responsibly shield my cigarette from the young impressionable eyes, and the kids can continue running around madly as blurs in my periphery.
This time however, my attention was caught as I strolled past by one of the children saying a chirpy "hello" as he ran towards the fence to collect a wayward football. I turned to return the pleasantry to this polite young lad, but upon making eye contact with him, and glancing up to focus on everyone else in the playground, I was struck dumb with horror at how grotesque they all were. Part of me wanted to hunt down some sort of ringmaster to congratulate him on his freakish menagerie.
There appeared to be one complete set of teeth for every four or so people and most of those were crumbling and flecked with green and brown and yellow. Eroded enamel shards jutting awkwardly from tiny little gums. It made me wonder what these creatures were fed on. Nicotine yellow might even have been an improvement.
Coarse patchy scalps were vibrating at low frequencies with lice. Their eyes were all so small and close together, that it made having a socket for each eyeball seem almost like an extravagant luxury. One would have been more than sufficient. And they were swivelling independently like binocular vision had completely skipped across whatever tiny and stagnant gene pool these things had crawled out from. Their skin tones ranged from ethnically dubious mineworker grime blacks, to liverless neon jaundice greens and sweaty slapped podgy reds, through shimmering and pearlescent purples and blues, right down past silvers and greys to one boy who was almost completely see-through like wet paper.

Everyone sees the odd tremendously ugly little tykes strolling around town, but I always assume they are just the waste products of a washed out 14 year old Croydon pariah young mother, or at the very least just flukish disappointments to some unfortunate, normal couple.
I had never witnessed such terrors en-masse before. I’m fairly certain it wasn’t a special school. I dread to think what those places are like.
I try to remain stony faced, even when confronted with all the world’s horrors, but the boy must’ve sensed the fear and morbid curiosity in my eyes. His little face turned sour and his brow screwed up. He repeated, this time annoyed.
“I said ‘Hello…’”
A moth fluttered out of his mouth as he spoke and flew towards me. I gasped and flinched as if its wings were coated in anthrax. For all I know, they could have been. I said nothing. Just stared.
A few more of the grubby little mieskeits gathered and watched on gormlessly.

I stood frozen for a few more moments, and the boys face grew ever more grooved and contorted. He reared back and spat at me. It made direct contact just below my cheek. I was horrified. It felt corrosive and made my skin burn. It smelled like scorched cane sugar. The others took his lead and joined in spitting. They each took turns spitting, and laughing and stacking up every swearword they knew to create sentences consisting of nothing but the unbridled ignorant hatred of a small child.
“You ****ing little bloody shit bastard”
I didn’t need this. I attempted to protest somewhat, all while dodging a volley of flob, but could just manage a feeble and ineffective “Oi! Stop that!”
Some more of the children started laughing and pointing. More of them still were gathering and joining in. A tinny oldskool jungle beat seemed to be coming from a small speaker somewhere. They were all chanting, and screaming in collective hysteria, which apparently overwhelmed some of the smaller children, and caused a few of them to spontaneously vomit long bubbling arcs of white lightning, and then drop to the floor giggling. They were all revelling in the sheer animalism. I finally understood how fatty Gavin Bronson must’ve felt when we used to play War, and we made him be Thomas Highgate to our BB firing squad, but on a twisted and vastly over exaggerated scale. I felt the humiliation of having to dance and feyly bat away a hail of projectiles amid of the cruellest, most cutting fusillade of all: children’s laughter.

I sat for a short while curled up and low to the ground, trying to cover myself from the shower of flob. If there hadn’t have been a fence in the way, I’m certain they would have used the opportunity to kick and pinch and possibly even stone me to death. I noticed several of them attempting to scale the fence, with those chubby clammy fingers. I realised curling into a ball wouldn’t help me, these animals have no mercy. I ran. I ran for my life and for the remnants of my dignity. I ran before they started flinging shit. There were no teachers to stop them, no sacrificial haggard and broken down dinner ladies to divert their evil attention away from me. They were all just loose and unattended in a giant cage, fenced off from society and I now know that’s the only place for them. I don’t remember school being like that. We were good kids.
During the struggle one of the little bastards had somehow managed to go through my pockets and relieve me of my phone.
What’s most shocking though, is that by now many of those kids have children of their own.
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------
Last edited by FunkasPuck at Aug 21, 2010,
#2
Ist this supposed to be Lyrics, or Rap...or a Rant? I dont get it
How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Twelve. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it better.

#3
What the ****. That story is brutal. Reminded me of some sort of American Psycho speel.
#4
yeah, its supposed to be rapped really fast like busdriver so You can fit it in 16 bars. do you think I should make the chorus a little more hooky?

but no, I kid. This would be some of that prose stuff. Just a little standalone segment of a larger story. It doesnt really need to be 'got' so much as just read, and hopefully maybe even enjoyed.
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------
#5
Goddamn you're an impressive writer.
This story was long, but it never ran, and was never boring.
The imagery was fantastic. Just disgusting enough to get your point across, but not to the point of turning me away from the story.

I didn't like the last line so much. It came out as... 'preachy', maybe ? Made me feel like you were trying to impress some moral into the story.

Regardless, great read. I'll be sure to read it again soon to see if I can't think of more to say.
#6
Don't usually post in here, but i thought this was a really good read.

I went from "I'm not reading all of that" to "shit, where is the rest of it?"

Nice one.

Quote by Karl Pilkington
Jellyfish are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful."
#7
Well I certainly enjoyed this. I loved it from start to finish, its amazing not only how true the story is but how true it is to the nation or world as a whole. Maybe if more people read your work, the world would be a better place. ?. Anyway thanks for posting this.
#8
Quote by Jiggzy.UK

I went from "I'm not reading all of that" to "shit, where is the rest of it?"

Nice one.

That's actually exactly how I felt. That was a fantastic piece of work. I loved it. Though I can't really see how you would really fit this into any sort of music rhythm, but it really was a very good read Keep on Writing
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I am the 24 Wild Rovers
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#9
Okay, that is good. I'm a kid and I still think that's brilliant! It's so true! You're right; kids are revolting.
#11
This is amazing. Please post more of your work, I absolutely loved this.

Edit: Noticed you've posted numerous other times before. I'm looking forward to reading it all.
Last edited by Regression at Aug 23, 2010,
#12
You know how I feel about this piece.

Great tone throughout, captivating and keeping the reader wanting more.

This is not a pipe
#13
Quote by CarnivalBeam
Maybe if more people read your work, the world would be a better place. ?


If i ever need quotes for a blurb, you can bet your ass that's going in there.

thankyou all for your comments.

I think I agree about the last line. There were two lines in this specifically that i actually mulled over for a second, chin on fist, and that was one of them. or the placement at least. I'm all for punchlines really, but i think i agree, it comes along maybe a bit cheap compared to the rest of the piece?

either way, thankyou for reading.
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------
#14
ok i guess im doomed after you/anyone else reads this-


it sucked... my opinion?!

now maybe my brain is too small to figure this all out but really if thats how you think about umm... childrens how can they(the childrens) be not behaving the way they are in this story? either i didnt get the topic or i just dont like the topic!!

the end.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I write poetry
And it sucks.
#15
Fantastic read, looking forward to reading any future work you have that's similar to this.
Last.fm


"Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time."


#16
That was wondrous, mate. The diamonds of the next generation will thank you for your kind insight. The detail was perfect, but for me it served much more to describe the narrator than the children - I have a much clearer vision of 'you', the unintentionally lurking victim of hatred and cruelty (of the worst sort!), appearing stoic in a full beard and maybe even a green army coat and aviator glasses, hiding desperation and a fragile inner peace that can be seismically altered by aliens learning about dinosaurs and multiplication. Caged and mutated from our former selves, they wreak their havoc on every passerby, while playing the Innocents behind the invisible posted signs that say 'No Pedophiles Allowed'.

Who would want to fuck anything so hideous, anyway?
#17
Quote by leafwhisperer
ok i guess im doomed after you/anyone else reads this-

it sucked... my opinion?!

now maybe my brain is too small to figure this all out but really if thats how you think about umm... childrens how can they(the childrens) be not behaving the way they are in this story? either i didnt get the topic or i just dont like the topic!!

the end.


part of me wants to try to defend the story seeing as you have given a reason for saying it sucked, but im not really sure what your reason actually is.

Are you saying society may be creating self fulfilling prophecies out of the young by fencing them off from society at both ends? the penning in from danger as fragile youths, coupled with an exhile to the wilderness beyond civilisation by being designated as 'animals'?
Or are you questioning the veracity of the events in a fictional story, and the opinions of a fictional character as they relate to his retelling of this fictional sequence of events?

dont patronise yourself, kid. Maybe you got it more than you think, but still just thought it sucked.
either way, thanks for reading. I burgled a good few minutes of your time, and thats all that matters to me.


and thank you sean. ever the poet.

to cap it all off, obesity is on the rise.
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------
Last edited by FunkasPuck at Sep 1, 2010,
#18
Alright so you fairly describe the condition of children who are'nt thought desipline and loose traces of humanity that part was good considering that you want them to be better...but what pissed me off was that the narrator seems to be so disgusted by them,makes me think of the word untouchable.I think that if they are'nt cared for they are bound to turn this way due to schycological issues...they are facing a life harsher than any of us can imagine and at this point we should do everything in our power to help them if possible or just try to hide our feelings instead of giving them looks of such horrer that makes 'em recent us and go further down the wrong path.

My apologies if i got this wrong cuz i do tend to loose focus during long pieces of work
P.S. your use of words was fantastic though.
#19
Quote by BloodCold

My apologies if i got this wrong cuz i do tend to loose focus during long pieces of work


no, you didnt get anything wrong, you just saw the narrator from whatever angle you chose to view him from and decided you didnt like him as a person.

if you actually enjoyed reading it and decided that you didnt like the character, like personally on a human level as opposed to you thinking he is just poorly constructed, then that makes me very, very happy. thanks
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------