#1
because i see bécquer slowly dying in dadaist ways.
i see:

  • a dish
    (presented as a love story)
    served infront of a king (the chess kind) on the table.
    START! & write—
    we brush our tongues with pens
    and refer to it as candlelights or an artist's fever
    (see also: sinking ships).
  • a tentative vision of freedom
    of expression and decision—
    burying romanticism;
    there's a mutilated poet in the mirror
    wrapped in the harp eyelashes
    of a distant lover
    (she walks through piazzas and accordions across Italy
    these days).
  • a note written in cursive, lying
    next to a bottle-of-whiskey
    by the bed :
    "oh, love, my dearest love,
    come back; don't let me forget."

#2
Cubs, this is very good. I really don't want to give advice on it cause I would fear that I would ruin it. It is very good.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1353352
"Music became a healer for me. And I learned to listen with all my being. I found that it could wipe away all the emotions of fear and confusion relating to my family." Eric Clapton
Last edited by Blackwaterson89 at Aug 22, 2010,
#3
Very different, and intersting. I like it. I can't really think of anyway to contribute to the progression to this already masterpiece Keep on Writing
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Omit or Change
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I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
:
#6
Quote by hippieboy444
I love this, too. I don't know what to say - it's really unique and just good.


i agree with this. i was looking to give you a crit because you gave me a very detailed one, but i guess ill just wait for the next one.
#7
ok so im going to be the one who stands out- i didnt like it as much as the others but i liked the second stanza/verse2/2nd bullet watever you want to say alot. its not too bad anyway, nicejob
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I write poetry
And it sucks.
#8
wotw? weird + cool. thanks, peeps :]

edit: actually, i'll remove this and just let everyone think what they want.
#9
Quote by cubs
*explanation*

Well this says it better than any other way I can think of Good Job
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Omit or Change
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I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
:
#10
deliciously surreal, love, as you usually are
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#11
Was this formatted in Word, or something else?
Seems like it hinges on that sort of thing--
What with all the perfectly formed line breaks,

It can't be Notepad doing the writing.

The only thing I'd say is to avoid being coy.
There are proles and peons afoot unwilling
To see how cleverly this poesy has been penned.

Congratulations on getting the votes, hope to
See how your writing progresses from this point
forward.
#12
@ saadia: thank you, darling <3

@ aoelian: hmmm? i think you're missing the point.
#13
I do agree; I believe I am.
(Missing the point, that is)
Care to impart? Or should I depart?
(Befuddled, should I remain?)
Something's amiss; allow me a hint
(Of stylistic thought, that is)

That is,

I'm dead lost with this.
Possibly abstract.
Perhaps imagist?
Or self-parody?

If you would be so kind, please
Direct me to a resource
From which I can understand
A method by which one might
Properly interpret this--
At the moment, it's nonsense;
Not enough is known to me
To not disservice this piece
With silly-headed complaints
Derived from ignorant bliss.

That is,
Impart to me a
Better knowledge
Of this masterpiece.
Thank you kindly, friend.
#14
i had actually posted an explanation, but deleted it to let people think whatever they want. if you insist though, i can send you a PM with some thoughts on the piece.
#16
Quote by cubs
i had actually posted an explanation, but deleted it to let people think whatever they want. if you insist though, i can send you a PM with some thoughts on the piece.


I'd love it. Normally I'd say no to this sort of thing, but I really really want to get my heard around this at least a little bit.