#1
I speak in words you will never comprehend
This is the beginning of the end
I compliment things i know you'll appreciate
I bite my tongue and hope I don't asphyxiate
Your face looks like you're always in tremendous pain
But I know your lies I know you're vain
Your vanity will become your death
You're frail as porcelain
Breaking from the weakest grin
And I'm not as clever as my words may seem
Trust me when i say this I'm not always sure what I mean


Unfinished work, just thought I'd share this and see what comments I'd get.
Thanks
Here my voice goes to ones and zeros...
#4
'This is the beginning of the end' is too cliché for me, I feel like it's just put there to rhyme, and doesn't add to the whole.

I wonder why you have a very strict rhyme scheme, (aabbcc...) but then you interrupt it with 'your vanity will become your death'. I suggest you find a second line for that too, because I don't see a reason for it, or a deeper meaning for that matter.

The rest is pretty good, I like this
c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1353360
#5
Quote by Karel Juwet
'This is the beginning of the end' is too cliché for me, I feel like it's just put there to rhyme, and doesn't add to the whole.

I wonder why you have a very strict rhyme scheme, (aabbcc...) but then you interrupt it with 'your vanity will become your death'. I suggest you find a second line for that too, because I don't see a reason for it, or a deeper meaning for that matter.

The rest is pretty good, I like this
c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1353360


I know it still needs some work
Here my voice goes to ones and zeros...