#1
The procession moved through main street
preceded by an illusory armada of dust
And all of us folded our hands in half crescents to keep out the sun
while we worked to keep the muscles in our faces taut
A look of anguish not out of place on the cover of TIME or more likely
in the back pages of the national geographic
That face was the fruit of hours of labored practice in front of a mirror
held tightly in the right hand while that cathartic scene from
PLATOON lay paused on a television sillouhouted against the
rough lines of my fingers

Willem Dafoe lifted his palms to the sky and left his eyes on the camera
A gesture of resignation in the face of a relentless fate
It was enough to make me cry
#2
"ARRRGGHH! THERE WAS A FIRE FIGHT!" lol sorry, willem dafoe and boondock saints are synominous with me hehe

evokes a sense of depression as if in a funeral, but to me the the plugging of movies, magizines and actors seemed strange, but as far as composition and feel other than that it gave out a great emotion as a poem is supposed to.

check out my current writing: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1353401


Guitarist for 11+ years
Bassist for 6+ years
Drummer for 5+ months

PSN account - DeadAimHeadshot
#3
thank you very much for the kind words and I will be getting back to you tomorrow after work.
#4
I really enjoyed this. Plus the references and images were very refreshing and thought provoking.

I only thought that the name dropping in the piece was unnecessary. You could have used "he", as the title already revealed enough. Just a thought.
This is not a pipe
#6
I definitely agree with Carmel about the name in the last stanza. The image of his untucked shirt and gun in the sky is already quite present.

Other than that, I found this to be very bloody awesome.