ps. download my album: http://boyandgabriel.bandcamp.com/

your parents dropped us off at the airport
blood dripping down the runway
its cold here and you think its a good idea
too high atmosphere people die up there clear eye
turn up in snowdrifts sodom south georgia
babbling in pools of serpent spit
screaming slow
bloody mary take me down to where i'm supposed to go

and right before security something takes a hold of me
in between american flag folds
whipping flies outside the control tower
something we won't know until a few hours later
when you're lying with god and his limitless power
Last edited by #1 synth at Aug 23, 2010,
this was somewhat disjointed and hard to follow (although I got the impression that was intentional and for artistic effect) but as I read, it grew on me and I think this could be ****ing badass when you've got some music behind it. What genre/style/sound does it have?
unsure of if i will actually record this at all. was thinking real simple acoustic progression. will work on the lyrics. which parts were particularly hard to follow?

thanks so much for reading
it's not so much that they were hard to follow... it just seemed disjointed, like one line would before it felt like it was supposed to and the next was already beginning. But you did that throughout the piece and it kind of gave a cool effect to the rhythm with which I read it. Also made me think of how this song would be cool with some bizarre syncopated rhythms thrown in at some parts.
I think you could have accomplished just as much with "la la la's" and "na na na's." In the end, all attempted narrative succumbed to the broken idea. It was pretty to read. The rhythm and bounce was there... but it was like having so many straws bundled together that they don't fit in the cup so I can't take a drink. Each straw was so busy doing its own thing, that they never worked together to fulfill a purpose. In my analogy, lines = straws. Each line was in a fist fight with the two next to it... and they never learned to get along, so they never got to sing a song with Mr. Rogers and never felt happy and secure about their identities... so by the end they were hiding in a corner with an eight-ball and just trying to get by but instead of living up to their group potential and building a rocket-ship that could fly them to mars, they fought over the design and one started selling his kidney's to science and the project never got off the ground.

This floundered because of its lack of general coherence. Though, if you recorded it with a catchy enough beat and an auto-tuner and had Spike Lee sponsor the song, I'm sure all the girls would dance to it in a club and talk about how deep they are because they like a song where the words don't lead to a logical conclusion... and then they'd talk about how the song reminds them of their childhood. Then they'd dance and get drunk and go see a psychiatrist because the reminder of their childhood reminded them how daddy never bought them Christmas gifts and now they don't like the color green or Aquavelva aftershave.
i record everything with autotune, you should know that.

thanks you two. its kinda what happens when i havent written anything for awhile and just try to write through a writersblock, comes out at just going through the literary motions.