#1
For those of you familiar with tinned corned beef, you'll know it has a piss poor key thing that is supposed to open the tin with. You'll also know this never works which is my problem. My other problem is that I don't have a working tin opener. Ideas on how to get into my God damned corned beef? Person with the best idea gets to share it with me.
The DNA results show that Jeremy Kyle is a nob.


Quote by titsmcgee852
I want to look at your sexual naked body.
#2
Start buying it in cans like the rest of the civilized world.


Edit: Nvm, i guess tin is brit talk for can. It's something else over here.
Check out my band Disturbed
#5
Just use a fat meat-cutting knife. Stab it around a bit and let the flavor pour out. Mmm-mm-mm.
#6
get a knife and a hammer

if i have to explain any further, I'll be forced to kill you and your family.
Quote by JacobTheMe
JacobTheEdit: Hell yeah Ruben.

Quote by Jackal58
I met Jesus once. Cocksucker still owes me 20 bucks.
#7
just use a knife and stab it around the edge and work your way around, that what i do when i dont have a can opener. be carefull tho...
Very Orange CARVIN DC 700
PRS SE Custom - crunch lab&PAF pro
Ibanez GRX40 - modified
Peavey Valveking 112 w/ 2x12 cab

Originally Posted by Shirate
The guitar, the only beautiful female that looks better with the top ON haha

Transformice
#13
Chisel?
Quote by demoniacfashion
Is there any black people on UG?
I don't think a lot of black people play guitar anymore.

Quote by Oasis-fanatic
they all kinda went extinct after hendrix really.


Needless to say, I lol'ed.

Quote by human panda
Appart from being on UG or wanking, thats what i mostly do
#15
Why would you want corned beef that badly? Nobody since 1970 has optionally eaten that.... substance.
#16
I can't use tin openers (I break them) so whenever I'm in a pickle I stab at the edges with my sharpest knife and bludgeon it open.

It's truly a superb technique but you can keep your gross corned beef.
#21
My first thought was:

WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO IMPREGNATE A CORNED BEEF TIN?!

then I realized
Quote by Ichikurosaki
sloth is hacking away feebly at the grass because he is a sloth but he was trying so hard ;_; hes all "penguin im HERE i am here to help you penguin"
#23
1. Portal on the ceiling
2. Portal on the floor
3. Start the tin falling forever
4. Baseball bat

[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


Quote by Trowzaa
I only play bots. Bots never abandon me. (´・ω・`)

#24
Quote by Demon Wolf
My first thought was:

WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO IMPREGNATE A CORNED BEEF TIN?!

then I realized


Why do you think I'm trying to get in? I am UG's official corned beef rapist.
The DNA results show that Jeremy Kyle is a nob.


Quote by titsmcgee852
I want to look at your sexual naked body.
#25
Quote by Ed Hunter
I am UG's official corned beef rapist.

I'll take that, tyvm.

[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


Quote by Trowzaa
I only play bots. Bots never abandon me. (´・ω・`)

#26
This is the Hertford Corned Beef right? I usually don't have a problem with them unless you try to turn the key the wrong way the first time which screws up the whole thing.
Try a pair of needle nose pliers, grip the end of the band and "turning in the right direction this time" wind the band around the end of the needle nose pliers. It worked for me and unlike some other suggestions here won't end up putting metal pieces in your foof.
Moving on.....
#27
Heat it up on the stove until it explodes.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Your post was the only bright spot in this disgusting piece of thread.

Quote by lexanirider78
You have balls. I like balls....(awkward silence)

Quote by SeveralSpecies
I waited for the rape.

...


...but the rape never came
#28
P-38 Never leave home with out one.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

Quote by Xiaoxi
I can fap to this. Keep going.