#1
This is a song a wrote a couple weeks ago. It doesn't have a title yet. My friends think that it sounds like a Tool song, which I guess I could agree with. I'm a very political person (very conservative), so I figured it would be a good idea to write about how underfunded the military is. I also found it kind of funny that the Iraq War ended in the same month I wrote it. To Afghanistan!


We stare into a crystal ball
Looking and forseeing
Our downfall.
We just don't care
Sitting around
We have no oppisition.

So be on guard,
You slobbish pail of lard
You don't when to play the war card!
There's no fence in our yard,
Therefore, we have no defense!

Too much is wasted
On what is not necessary
Unlike the military.
On our backs
Is what we don't need to carry.
So lighten the load
And don't tarry.

So be on guard,
You slobbish pail of lard
You don't know when to play the war card!
There's no fence in our yard,
Therefore, we have no defense!
#2
Honestly I think the lyrics are a bit too obvious to sound like Tool.
I like the concept but it should sound a bit more mature and sophisticated.

Also the rhymes sound a bit too.. corny? Forced?

Get out of my yard
You pale pile of lard
You're going to get chard
If you don't play the wild card

Just not my thing. Unless you have melody that makes those rhymes work. I think its kind of.. eh.