#1
I never met the one I love
and never will.
In the still of day, early morning
holds no grudges, but I do.
Stay up for the birds,
the people, the whispers, they say;
but I only stretch and stay in bed,
looking upside down through my window
to see the skies below me.

And in the distance the sea is a mirror.

You see mirrors, they taunt me,
I watch in their faces for the obvious truth
and forget not to look next time.

I never met the one I love
and never will.
I still have hope to bear, because
it is a burden, and don't you dare deny it.
But this reflection here, this worded mirror
of this moment
is who I really am
and I feel sorry for
the fact
it's so easy to avoid.
This is not a pipe
#2
"worded mirror" was beautiful.

And oddly introverted piece with extroverted execution; the mirror, addressing the reader, attention to rhyme. Looking into yourself for the purpose of showing others, the worry in doing so. A fragile voice dissecting oneself, when attention is required. Or at least thats what I took away from it.

I would possibly add in a comma after "you see", but that's individual style.

A worthy read, as always.
#3
Nice...gives me a feel of sad numbness n quite anger.I wud only suggest expandin it a bit if you can maybe write a chrous?
This came to my mind for the chrous

The blunt looks you give cant compare
to this divide
the one you created with, my life
mirror will reflect mirror
you'll soon get what you deserve,sears

I just wanted to share this dont take it too seriously!
Keep writinglookin forward to more pieces from you.

c4c?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1349003
Last edited by BloodCold at Aug 26, 2010,
#5
"You see mirrors, they taunt me,
I watch in their faces for the obvious truth
and forget not to look next time."

I wasn't a fan of this stanza. It's mainly the opening line, the use of "you see" suggests an almost casual tone which doesn't really fit in with everything else you are saying. You create such a sense of mood and atmosphere with all the other stanzas that it just makes this one stand out even more. Its a shame because I really connect with this piece, I really feel like I know exactly what you're saying.

I've just posted a new piece, the first I've written in a while, it's floating around the first page still somewhere. I don't know of my crit was useful enough to warrant a return, though, so it's up to you.
#6
i'm still trying to accept the stanza kyle pointed out but its not clicking as easily as the rest of this.

but damn. this is a gem.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me