#1
There was a fine young maid
In County Cork was she,
This beautiful young maid,
A wild rover she did see.

Now this maid had said to him,
"I will be truer still,''
The wild rover smiled
And put his hand on her knee.
Then the maid quietly said,
''That's a little southernly."

Watch yourselves young rovers
And always take heed.

Now the rover has shifted north,
His hand upon her thigh,
''Getting closer," she said,
''But you're not there still."

Watch yourselves young rovers
And always take heed.

His hands did venture still,
The maid id smile and said,
"Don't stop 'til I've had my fill,"
And the rover ventured still.

The maid did smile and giggle
At the night of exhausting pleasure;
She so gently turned and said,
"Oh young young rover, you've done me good,
But really you should've taken heed
For you've courted with me, a syphilis girl."

Watch yourselves young rovers
And always take heed.

Now this was written in about five minutes, so I have some expected changes. Though some helpful suggestions will surely speed that process up. And as always, I do c4c, just leave a link in your post which of your work you would like me to do
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I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
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Last edited by 24WildRovers at Aug 27, 2010,
#2
Ha ha ha..Nice n different concept.I like itDamn good for something written in 5minutes! I dont see anything wrong except
"But you really should've taken heed
for you've courted with a syphilis girl"

This somehow does not click..maybe change it too
"But you really should've taken heed
for you've courted with me,a syphilis girl"

Or something better?otherwise good execution!Keep writing!
#3
Hell I could see delta blues guitar behind that. I like it man, I like the funny twist at the end about syphilis, overall good job.
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#4
Quote by BloodCold
Ha ha ha..Nice n different concept.I like itDamn good for something written in 5minutes! I dont see anything wrong except
"But you really should've taken heed
for you've courted with a syphilis girl"

This somehow does not click..maybe change it too
"But you really should've taken heed
for you've courted with me,a syphilis girl"

Or something better?otherwise good execution!Keep writing!

Thanks man, yeah I think that sounds better to me to
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I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
: