#1
The light in the cracks of the blinds
Informs you that it's time to wake up
You're shaking off the pieces of nonsense
As you're making your way through the sunlight
And when you go out you become a real person
And everyone's looking at you

The chatter is neither loud nor quiet
What really does it do with you?
The sky is just a place for the clouds
The colors of the world are bleak
And people around are being themselves
They just want whatever they want

And of course, you have seen everything
But to you, it all looks the same
Could it be that you're not being treated
As a special one, who you know you are
But what if you just forgot that there is
Earth when you close your eyes
Last edited by Rice_Pilot at Aug 25, 2010,
#2
i didnt read the whole thing but i liked whatever i read. i'll get back to it later.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I write poetry
And it sucks.
#4
Quote by Rice_Pilot
The light in the cracks of the blinds
Informs you that it's time to wake up
You're shaking off the pieces of nonsense
As you're making your way through the sunlight
And when you go out you become a real person
And everyone's looking at you


I love the imagery in this, and the end to this stanza.

Quote by Rice_Pilot
The chatter is neither loud nor quiet
What really does it do with you?
The sky is just a place for the clouds
The colors of the world are bleak
And people around are being themselves
They just want whatever they want


I like the metaphor in line 3, but I think that the last two lines should make the reader feel more bored, in the case of making readers feel the boring everyday rush people around them are constantly into.

But don't actually bore the reader! :P

Quote by Rice_Pilot
And of course, you have seen everything
But to you, it all looks the same
Could it be that you're not being treated
As a special one, who you know you are
But what if you just forgot that there is
Earth when you close your eyes


The last line is _absolutely_ perfect.

Overall, this piece is simply amazing.

INTOLERANCE IS IGNORANCE


Quote by kosmic
Holy Moses.
haha
#5
Wow, thank you very much, I dont usually write lyrics, and this one came out of nowhere. Thanks again for the feedback.