#1
(Well, basically, this song is about a mentally disturbed patient talking to his doctor. I just thought of what would they say if only they could express their feelings about being 'saved' from their madness)


Hello sir, would you mind if I come crashing through your gate?

A light blinked, a guard was struck but I just need this to relate

All the void in this thing you call 'life', it collides

Would you help me, sire, to fight this time?



Hello sir, would you listen if I tear through your walls?

I just need something to break the vibe of them all

A violet, a crimson, the only colors I see

Am I mad, am I bleak, or just so into deep?



Hey, sire... Just some air to breathe

Hey, sire... Would you think I would live?



I like to run, and find this life

Without the slaughter of my kind, I see them prowl



I like to wake, define this light

And grab the fear surrounding me, be still this time



Hello sir, would we still meet if I could not make it?

I'll try to fight off all of their pleas to submit

A wreckage, a phantom, and a polite way to ask

Just tell me when to smile, and to speak, and to last



I like to know you well enough

Because you are my only chance to finally grasp



The hurt within, the pain without

The sight of me, as they can see, of norms defied



Hey sire...



I tried, I tried...



I tried...



To fight.
Quote by TheClincher
I give you the lolslope
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Quote by Trowzaa

I love you.



Last edited by output24 at Aug 26, 2010,
#2
I like this. Some very great descriptive language. In places the speech does seem a little convoluted but most of the time it works, because it is a madman speaking.
Great work!
So come on in
it ain't no sin
take off your skin
and dance around in your bones

#3
Thanks for the crit, good sir. If you you have a piece, I would like to see it too. I'm new here in S&L, as I mostly lurk the Pit and post tons in the HC forum before.
Quote by TheClincher
I give you the lolslope
---
--------
--------------
---------------------


Quote by Trowzaa

I love you.