24WildRovers
The Wild Hippy Rover
Join date: May 2008
2,176 IQ
#1
Beep, beep, beep, beep
Six a.m.
Beep, beep, beep
Six Thirty
Beep, beep
Seven a.m.
Beep
Oh shit! I'm late

As you get out of bed
Put on your pants
And grab your shoes
It's a new day all over again

Now your late to work
And your boss is yelling
Grab another cup of coffee
There's another paper to redo

Memorandums and filling sheets
The printer's broke again
And there's no coffee left
Now the boss is calling for you

Now you work just hard enough
That you won't get fired
But now you've had enough
It's time you packed your stuff

And you return again tomorrow

c4c, just leave a link and I will critique on my next chance
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Last edited by 24WildRovers at Aug 27, 2010,
LandingLight
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2010
10 IQ
#2
"The printer's broke again
And there's no coffee left
Now the boss is calling for you"

Nothing worse than this!!! I feel your pain.

I really enjoyed this, you've clearly put a lot of thought into it. It reads like a poem- which I assume was your purpose?

I enjoy reading work about every day things that most people would just overlook and deem unworthy of poetry. This is an excellent example of this- only mild crit would be the fourth stanza with 5 lines, I felt the rhythm was slightly thrown off with it. Other than that, excellent job. Thanks for sharing

LL
24WildRovers
The Wild Hippy Rover
Join date: May 2008
2,176 IQ
#3
Quote by LandingLight
"The printer's broke again
And there's no coffee left
Now the boss is calling for you"

Nothing worse than this!!! I feel your pain.

I really enjoyed this, you've clearly put a lot of thought into it. It reads like a poem- which I assume was your purpose?

I enjoy reading work about every day things that most people would just overlook and deem unworthy of poetry. This is an excellent example of this- only mild crit would be the fourth stanza with 5 lines, I felt the rhythm was slightly thrown off with it. Other than that, excellent job. Thanks for sharing

LL

Thanks As for the rhyme, I wasn't really going for any rhyme in particular. And thanks for the notice that one stanza had five lines, I can't believe I missed that.

Actually, I have never been in a cubicle before. I wrote this after watching "Office Space'' the movie. And after you see it, you'll notice the simularities
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Aeolian Harmony
Raymond Kertezc
Join date: Apr 2010
190 IQ
#4
I really can't think of anything to say about your piece at the moment, but Office Space is awesome.... "I believe you have my stapler."
24WildRovers
The Wild Hippy Rover
Join date: May 2008
2,176 IQ
#5
Quote by Aeolian Harmony
I really can't think of anything to say about your piece at the moment, but Office Space is awesome.... "I believe you have my stapler."

Thank you so much Actually the whole first part and the first stanza I wrote before Office Space, and then everything after I wrote after Office Space. And I think that movie is in my top three favorite movies ever.
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