#1
It came to me in a dream
told me to go back to everything
I always thought I knew
now it turns out that was true

I climbed a mountain in this dream
the sun was setting in the east
contradicting everything
this world was different, it would seem

High on top, I saw a silhouette
a man screaming out a name
begging him to stop
while this name brought only shame

the sun was lighting up the ocean
in the depth beyond my feet
the moon was glistening purple
against the labyrinth of trees
on the horizon where they meet
the clearest message made me weep
it made me see the only way
clarity...
it showed me the light of day
Last edited by PurpleBear102 at Aug 29, 2010,
#2
I liked it, and it seems to flow well. Just out of curiousity, is this a poem or a song?

the sun was setting in the east
contradicting everything


the sun was lighting up the ocean
in the depth beyond my feet
the moon was glistening purple
against the labyrinth of trees


These two bit were my favourite, I like the imagery you've created. I wouldn't change these.

However, If this was meant to be a song, I think it would benefit from having defined verse of equal length, as they're a bit scattered. You have 4 lines in the first verse, 5 in the second, 4 again and then 8 at the end. Which to me, is odd. Regardless, the whole thing flows nicely.

Here's my song: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1355672

Cheers!