#1
It hasn't rained for
three and a half months
and the dust that settled
in the crevices of her smile
built up to make her look different,
almost as if the lines of her being
were made of pieces,
like a Picasso painting.
From angles, she now looked clownish,
with a painted mouth, forced
into expression.

It hasn’t rained for
four months
and she asked me why
I couldn’t look at her
the same way that I did before,
when she was smiling
just the same,
only without make-up.
Before I could stop myself, I heard
the words run down my lips
and she turned away.

It’s not going to rain tomorrow either, she said
and for the first time in weeks,
I hoped it would.
This is not a pipe
#2
I liked the concept here. I do wish the first stanza would have ended on "painting." I did feel like this lacked a bit of oomph, if you know what I mean. It didn't really draw me in. I didn't see much below the surface... and maybe I'm just missing it, but it all seemed too obvious to me. I actually called the ending about midway through the second stanza and maybe that's what ruined it for me. I dunno.

I didn't dislike it. I liked the concept and the first stanza a lot, but the rest I didn't really get into.
#3
I honestly feel this could use less line breaks. It would adjust the flow of the piece to the feeling it gives, which I think would make it much, much better.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#4
Quote by Carmel
It hasn't rained for
three and a half months
and the dust that settled
in the crevices of her smile
built up to make her look different,
almost as if the lines of her being
were made of pieces,
like a Picasso painting.
I feel like this sentence is a tad too long, maybe cutting it into pieces would improve the flow of the stanza. I think getting rid of the 'and' in the third line and the 'almost' in the sixth would help. I'd also change the 'like' in the last sentence to 'in', but I guess that's just a matter of personal taste.
From angles, she now looked clownish,
with a painted mouth, forced
into expression.
I like these lines a lot

It hasn’t rained for
four months
and she asked me why
I couldn’t look at her
the same way that I did before,
when she was smiling
just the same,
only without make-up.
pretty much the same comment as in the first stanza .
Before I could stop myself, I heard
the words run down my lips
and she turned away.

It’s not going to rain tomorrow either, she said
and for the first time in weeks,
I hoped it would.
Love the ending


just a few suggestions from my side, I really like it though .
You who build these altars now

To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore