#1
Her eyes scream tears,
the weight of being
pushes them down her face
and I say to her
I say I say
Don't cry
and I say everything's alright
and she says really?
And I say yeah I say yeah
everything's alright
of course everything's
alright why wouldn't it be?
I promise it's okay everything is
it's all fine
the world is fine
there are so many happy things
all happy and sunny and yellow
I promise it's alright it really is
its okay
I promise. I promise
I promise
what makes you think it isn't okay?
what even isnt okay it's all alright
okay? it is, it's fine so don't cry because
everything's alright everything's alright

right?
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#3
Thanks man, post a link if you want me to look at something.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#4
Quote by Ganoosh

of course everything's
alright why wouldn't it be?


Didn't like that line break at all. Wish you would have put alright up a line.

Beside that... I personally thought this ran its course after three lines. The only thing it really had going for it was originality and that died pretty quickly when you started going back and forth between the words "alright," "okay," and "everything." Arguably, your tone was working for you too... but I really never found a vibe that didn't seem like a whiny kid trying to reassure his girlfriend that its okay to have sex, that Jesus won't hate her afterward. I don't know... I thought it was just chitter-chatter/jibberish that never really took off or began to deliver more than a stutter-stepped soapbox speech.

yeah. I wanted to like it... and the idea was there; but this came across as a block piece where you finally had an idea but couldn't find the locomotion to develop it. Anyways, I'd appreciate a bump on Archetype if you get a chance... though you certainly don't owe me for this mumbo-jumbo rambling bullshit.

Cheers,
Zach