#1
Hold my eyes and give into fear tonight
I remember your face on a backdrop of grass and gold

Is it killing you too?
Its tearing apart at the other side of you

But dreams always get swallowed
By the blackness of the night
Until this
Until this broke that dark

We both know that this'll come back to me
We both know that this'll come back to me

All of these things that i just never wanted to be
I can't control it, is it you or is it me?
All of the things i knew before doesn't matter
'Cause I'm changing the way i face my fears

I'm changing the way i face my fears

Is it killing you too?
Its tearing apart at the other side of you

But dreams always get swallowed
By the blackness of the night
Until this
Until this broke that dark

I'm changing the way i face my fears
#2
its good but it needs work!! i really like the topic and especially these lines

But dreams always get swallowed
By the blackness of the night

but i really think it should rhyme ALOT!! im not sure about the last two lines of this stanza but i guess they sound better with the music. its not great but not bad either! keep on writing
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I write poetry
And it sucks.
#3
thanks! im not a huge fan of rhyming, i only rhyme when i really feel it goes well. and eyah im not too good at writing out how it sounds. it always look messy, but it fits decently when its played.
#4
The concept is great and overall, I really like this. The only thing that I'd change would be the 5th stanza:

All of these things that i just never wanted to be
All of these things I never wanted to be
I can't control it, is it you or is it me?
I can't control it, is it you or me?
All of the things i knew before doesn't matter
Nothing I knew before really matters
'Cause I'm changing the way i face my fears

The bold lines are just some suggestions to simplify things and make the 5th stanza flow a little easier, it's damn good either way.
Last.fm


"Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time."


#5
thanks UncleRemus, i know that stanza might look messy, but the lyrics are tightly locked in with the melody in that part. so changing them would change change the structure of the song at that point, but thanks for teh suggestions! i appreciate it
#6
Any time, man. Like I said, it's quite good and I'd be curious to hear it in context if you get around to recording it....
Last.fm


"Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time."


#7
ive got a youtube account, so i post videos on there. but its hard for me to get a hold of a video camera. but ill eventually get it on there