#1
For the full effect with html and all that jazz, view it on my deviantart here: http://blooddrunkdylan.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d2xfk2g and please comment/fav it if you like it! I also always return crits/comments!


That night I sat alone on the steps
I cried harder than I ever have before
And I didnt know why.
I was more scared and paranoid than I've ever been before
I could feel it all so clearly.
But I didn't know why.

---------------------------------
Part 1: Love.

I thought about all that may never be, you and me,
We could reinvent the world and teach the blind to see.
With nothing but a gentle hand and a few too many cups of coffee.
If only we werent so ****ing afraid to make the leap.
Instead we just hope for fate to place us there.
But fate isn't listening.
Nobody's listening, and God is resting.

Would you call me insane?
Or would you join my adventure?

I have to stop writing now. I can no longer hold this pencil still, and I'm starting to see things that aren't there.
-----------------------------------

It's now pitch black,
The things you see and hear in the dark always make you think and wonder so much more.
I don't know why.
I can hear a feral cat meowing in the distance.
Maybe it's looking for a home, food, company, or just anything to let it know that it's really even there and that it's being heard.
Honestly, I just don't know.

But in that moment, I felt more connected to that cat than I ever have with anything in my life.
I don't know. Maybe insomnia is just playing tricks on me again.

-----------------------------------
Part 2: Sanity and the Little White Pills.

And I thought to myself.
Is this even who I am?
Is this really what I feel?
How much of this is real and how much is in my head?
And is it my sickness causing these delusions,
or is it the little white pills, manufactured to 'help' me?

Am I enlightened,
Or am I out of my ****ing mind?

What if..
No, that's not possible..
C-could..
No. That could never happen to me.
No.

Maybe..
Maybe I'm not here at all.
Maybe I'm locked up. Right now.
Maybe I'm not even writing this, it's just all in my brain.

You couldn't only exist in my mind, could you?
No, you would never do that to me.

Maybe you are the solitary glimmer of hope that wants me to waken from this nightmare.

Please, tell me that you're really there, and that you care about me.

And if you're there, let me know it, don't waste another second, please.
And if you're in my head, please wake me up, because I cannot take this any ****ing longer.

I have to go take my pills now.. I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't.

--------------------------------------
Light is beginning to return to the world,
But not to me.
The life is fleeting, away from the capsules that consume them 50mg at a time.
The pills that lock up my mind in a cage, far away.
-In shackles. In a straight jacket.-
The pills that create this mask, this façade.
-It's not me. It's not me.-

Is it all in my head? Paranoia? Will it go away?
No. This will never go away.
Not while I'm breathing.
Not while I'm breathing..

So what choice does that leave?

---------------------------------------
Part 3: Throne of A Disease.

Kneeling before the throne.
The throne of the entity that consumes every single fiber of my being.
The throne of the disease which plagues me.

Enslaves my every thought.
Covered in filth.
Left to rot.
Left to fester.

Holds hostage every hope.
Relentlessly lashes it's withered back.
Puts it in cuffs.
And sends it away.
To die.
On it's knees.
Face down.
In the dirt.
On the barren desert.
Of my mind.

---------------------------------------
Darkness all around.
Literally.
Figuratively.
Metaphorically.
Metaphysically.

No way back home.
No light at the end of the tunnel.
This is infinite.
This is forever.

Only one way out.
One way to be rid of this disease.
One way to end it.

Douse the room with gasoline.
Puddles forming on the floorboards.

Grab the knife, ever too tightly.
Cut the lines.
Bring the circulation to an end.

-The disease flows out-

Strike the match.
The way out.
To finally be free.

Drop the flame.
Let it loose.
Set it off.
Kill it all.

-Taking the host down with it-

Drop the flame.

I won't be consumed again.
Quote by wonderflap
You had to put a penis option.......

The results are now nulled due to this being the pit.... The home of penis watch wearers.


Quote by TheChaz
Rust in peace invented food
he sure is one legit dude
don't let it get to your head

ಠ_ಠ
#2
Quote by XxRustInPeacexX
That night I sat alone on the steps
I cried harder than I ever have before
And I didnt know why.
I was more scared and paranoid than I've ever been before I don't really like the use of before two time after each other
I could feel it all so clearly.
But I didn't know why.

---------------------------------
Part 1: Love.

I thought about all that may never be, you and me,
We could reinvent the world and teach the blind to see.
With nothing but a gentle hand and a few too many cups of coffee.
If only we werent so ****ing afraid to make the leap.
Instead we just hope for fate to place us there.
But fate isn't listening.
Nobody's listening, and God is resting.
there doesn't seem to be a real flow in this stanza, mainly due to the fact that the first part rhymes and the second part doesn't

Would you call me insane?
Or would you join my adventure?

I have to stop writing now. I can no longer hold this pencil still, and I'm starting to see things that aren't there.
I'd change this to:
I have to stop writing now. I can no longer hold this pencil still.
I'm starting to see things that aren't there.

-----------------------------------

It's now pitch black,
The things you see and hear in the dark always make you think and wonder so much more.
I don't know why.
I can hear a feral cat meowing in the distance.
Maybe it's looking for a home, food, company, or just anything to let it know that it's really even there and that it's being heard.this line is rather long, it interrupts the flow a bit
Honestly, I just don't know.

But in that moment, I felt more connected to that cat than I ever have with anything in my life.
I don't know. Maybe insomnia is just playing tricks on me again.


just a few suggestions, I have nothing to comment on the second and third part . I really like it, although especially the first part seems to have some 'flow'-problems, mainly due to a lot of long sentences. The only thing that disappointed me a bit is that the 'solution' to the problem is already made clear about halfway through, making the end very predictable. There would be alot more tension in the piece if you kept it unclear what's going to happen untill the very end.
You who build these altars now

To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore