#1
hi, this is my unfinished song.
looking to complete it in next week.
please crit on the done part


C4C


edit:uploaded bit more of it
Attachments:
abc.gp5
abc.gp4
Last edited by blackmagician at Sep 2, 2010,
#2
Here is the deal, i really liked the song but there were a lot of things that i personally would change, so im going to post a edited version of your song with what i would change as it may be hard to describe.

For the Intro: I liked it but felt it was far too slow for too long, i dont know what you could do to fix it but maybe have the drums and guitar chords come in earlier. In my edited version i showed how you could do this, i felt it really got the song going a bit more.

I loved what im going to call the verse starting at 17, the rhythm was great and it really picked the song up a bit. The only problem i had with it was the D chord, it sounds extremely off in my mind and sounds a lot better as a Db, i changed that in the edited version to show what i mean.

Favorite part of the song started at 25, the strings were magnificent, but i wanted more, a different rhythm for the guitar would be great and i would love some lead strings.

Starting at 33 was really good, it really built up the tension but it was lacking the epic moment that tension builds up to, you need something more after that, the next level of intensity.

The section at 38 was good but nothing too special, i would have liked some more rhythm from the second guitar. I liked when the solo came in, it was a nice touch and transitioned into the next section extremely well.

The solo at the end was amazing! It sounds like your guitar is crying and combined with the strings it was incredible. The only problem i had with it was too many D bends, In my edited version i changed it up just as an example of how to make it sound more natural, the solo has so much potential though.

Overall i really liked the song and would love to here the final version, i hope i wasn't too straightforward or rude with my posting of another version of your song. I would also like to thank you for the great critique of my piece.
Attachments:
Edited version.gp5
#3
no, not at all, not at all rude for posting your version with changes. i would like to thank you for that. as i said, its a WIP.

the bar 33 part was actually meant as a pre chorus, with bar 25 onwards being the chorus. and u are right, 17 is the verse
so i want your suggestion on even that. whether it works as pre or post chorus.

also, is the solo length fine or should i still extend it?
#4
In my mind 33 is great for a pre chorus and 25 can definitely be the chorus but i think they sound better rearranged. This is getting really confusing so im going to post another edited version, i totally rearranged the song structure and changed some of the strings to make it sound more epic in the chorus.

The solo length is definitely fine, perfect how it was.

I also have a question about your critique of my work, you said i should do one chord per bar during the chorus, did you mean one chord per measure?
Attachments:
Edited version.gp5
#5
hey man , great ideas you got there and not gonna be to critical cuz its work in progress.

anyway i understand Dwight here , i too got shaky hands listening to this and wanting to change it to be even more awesome . allthough some parts are generic.
for starters the intro is really shit , sorry just had to say that , you really need to change that part to fit in more with the rest of the song. and overall the song feels really slow and sluggish , but still good.

i think with some time this could turn out to be an awesome song !


Anyway can you crit The Age of War for me ? its in my sig.