#1
I wrote this song a couple of months ago but it was raw as hell, so I added some parts and i need to see if it's any good. It's obviously still not finished, the transition to the sweeps at the end needs drums and bass but I can't think of anything to make the transition smooth. I also don't know if I should keep the acoustic ending, I was planning on playing that acoustic riff 3 times than ending it with a fade out but now I'm not sure.

So ya, tell me what you think, and if you want me to check out your shit I'll gladly do it.

Edit: New version up. Replaced sweep wankery with a chilled solo thingy.
Attachments:
Untitled n. 74new.gp5
Untitled n. 74new.gp4
Last edited by Portuguese_boy at Sep 7, 2010,
#2
Loved all of it besides the super arpeggio/sweep section. Even Luke Hoskin would disapprove, he told me more than 3 sweeps is too many. =(

To expand a bit more...

FIRST: I do compare lots to PTH in here, not meaning to say this is a complete ripoff, not even close. This is definitely your own still. Just trying to say I can hear obvious influence that you took and made unique for yourself which is great. (PTH = my favorite band ever, ahaha)

Bass start, awesome. Catchy. First guitar riff is really PTH-ish and memorable as PTH's normally are.

Not a big fan of tremolo picking and whatnot like there is next, but I see how it works and it's not a bad thing, probably just my own taste having issues there.

Verse, metalcore chug chug note chug note riff, though more interesting, as PTH again does it often. Well done.

Chorus, fast, almost thrashy double octaves with power chords, PTH-ish again, I like.

The whole next set of riffs from 46-64 are really good, that's about all there is to say.

Fades back into the verse smoothly.

72-75 is really smooth again, sounds great.

Then comes the whole sweepy section, which just to me feels really flashy/obnoxious. I mean I'm a sucker for sweeps and super technical music but eh, just seems like too much, like you've lost the focus on being memorable/interesting and all. A few may be okay still, don't get me wrong, say I think 85-86 at least could work well, of course with some more to expand probably.

EDIT: Noticed I didn't mention how even when finished I think the sweeps may still be too much, unless their really ambient or something, but seeing the harmony and whatnot I doubt that.

Anyways, the resolution on that part though, does work fairly well, though I'd hold the 10 on the A string all the way to the resolving chords probably, as it sounds really conclusive then.

The acoustic outro is really nice as well, has a sort of the Kezia acoustic outro sound to it.


And as for C4C, you can listen to either of these things I have up here currently if you want, similar genre kinda, but heavier-ish for the most part.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1355965 <- Full song
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1356333 <- Just an intro and verse kinda thing for proceeding song
Arms Of Empire
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Axe FX II + EBMM JP6 + Jackson DK2S
Last edited by BigBigWater at Sep 2, 2010,
#3
Thanks for the constructive and long crit.
I didn't put the sweeps to show off though, I was planning on having an epic ending with sweeps, strings, the tapping bass riff etc. But I can't figure out how to do that since they don't really fit with the song. So I might take them out and add a solo at the end that sort of fits with the whole song and still sounds epic.
#4
So, seeing as I never have anything to do ever, I tried to go through and see what I could do while staying true to the idea. Hope you don't mind, just was boredom, haha.

Not the best definitely, couldn't figure out a could way to make the end work.

Feel free to work off or use anything I did there too, doesn't matter to me. lol.

Oh, and the bass is only muted because I didn't find that it complimented the sweeps too well, especially after I messed with it.
Attachments:
Untitled n.74 - bigbigwaters version.gp5
Arms Of Empire
^ ^ ^ Band I am involved in ^ ^ ^
Please check it out? ;D


Axe FX II + EBMM JP6 + Jackson DK2S
Last edited by BigBigWater at Sep 2, 2010,
#5
Awesome except for sweeps, it was took much lol. Rest was awesome, change em up a bit or the rhythm behind them.
#6
I think it would be good with some real tones under it. Ill blame the guitar pro on that. Very catchy chorus riffs and some, dare I say it "epic" moments. I personally am not huge on dramatic mood changes and stuff but I feel it gets the job done. I like at about 65 or so it comes back and goes into some sleek shredding. thats my favorite part.
#7
Alright here's my C4C for Asunder:
Opening bass groove is pretty well groovy. The opening technical riffs sound really cool, I like the F augmented 5th scale stuff there. Didn't really like the dissonant part at 31-32. The octaves around bar 40 sound cool but look also really tricky to play
47-48 seemed awkward with the 3 time sig changes
At 60 I like how you break from the straight 16th note stuff giving a bit of variety
the presolo i guess I really like however I'd rather just dismiss the next umpteen bars of mostly mindless and difficult sweeping. Coming out of that is my favorite part, the outro. I really enjoyed this section and the closing mood it presented.
#8
Thank you people.

and BigBigWater, I really liked your changes, awesome ideas, but I decided to take out all the sweeps and add a chilled jazzy solo at the end..
#9
You going to post that version by chance? ;P I love chilled jazzy solos.
Arms Of Empire
^ ^ ^ Band I am involved in ^ ^ ^
Please check it out? ;D


Axe FX II + EBMM JP6 + Jackson DK2S
#10
Quote by BigBigWater
You going to post that version by chance? ;P I love chilled jazzy solos.


Yep, I'll post my edited version as soon as I'm done.. I'm also trying to make a bt with the drums and strings so that I can actually record this but the drums sound like shit..
#11
Overall that was pretty damn good. But there was too much sweeping IMO... I would cut it to just 1 sweeping section instead of 3, and maybe even consider dropping them to 16th notes instead of 32nds... I doubt there are many that would be able to play those cleanly at that speed lol. The acoustic part at the end I would definitely keep... It's always good to have some soft parts/variance.
#12
C4C from Blue Jam.

Not quite my style, but I'll crit anyway.

The first thing I though when I played it was "Egyptian". Probably the harmonic minor scale that did that. It was pretty cool. I do quite like it when the guitars join and play that egyptian riff. tbh i think its my favourite part of the song. Bonus points for writing it in 4/4. You used repetition well at the 2/4 bit.
One problem I do have is the that the way you wrote the drums makes it sound like bits are off time and stuff.
I didnt really find much else memorable, except that octave chord riff, which was kind of cool.
At the mellow bit, I liked that clean lead on track 3, especially the way you used the slides in the last bar. Next... 7/8, ugh... i hate wierd time signatures. But after a bit my ears started putting it into a 4/4 time signature and it kind of worked. Still a bit irregular though...
In the outro, I like how you used the contrabass. It works.
The final chord should be a bit longer than an 8th note. Maybe a quarter note at least. And maybe have the contrabss chord holding for longer, and it fades out on that.
Musical Theatre! *jazz hands*


...what am I doing on this site...
#13
Now first of all, let me say I hope you are using the contrabass sound because it sounds the best out of the strings section sounds for what you were trying to do. Otherwise its faaaar to high and fast for an actual upright bass. I'm sure you know that though.

The chilled solo outro section works soooo much better than the sweep crap. It really does. The song was alright but throughout I was thinking "You know what these needs? a good ol' epic outro" hehe.

Some of the riffs are a bit perculiar.. but I can't really be bothered to nitpick them at the moment. Good job.
#14
hey man, thanks for the crit on mine.

I really liked the intro riff on this song. It was really interesting, and was just all round good. However the bass bit before it was average and didnt sound like a good intro overall.

The next section was okay. nothing special. But it linked to the next riff well, which sounded pretty good.

The time changes were done reasonably well.

The octavey part sounded good fit in well.

I really liked the riff that came in at bar 50.

And the 7/4 riff at 60 was awesome.

I really enjoyed the clean part.

the melodic riff ending the song was sick, you did really well with this! Had a good end feel to it!
Last edited by Tom9106 at Sep 10, 2010,
#15
Thanks people.

MetaIronForce: I showed the clean part to a lot of people and they also said the 7/8 should be 4/4, but I really like the weird timing, makes the change in bars kind of unexpected.

Of_Wolves: Ya, I used the contrabass because it sounds good with midi, but when I actually record this the only instruments i actually play are the guitars and the bass, the other stringed instruments are all done by VSTs.