#1
tears taring down
the scenery so separated from the set
"i bet god hit eject"
"well what did we expect"
calling man it
falling granite
ignoring the floor
as it fell
into the depths of hell
a suffocating smell
that rose
from decomposed
instruments
tuned to molten moon
a grin, as sin himself
took the wealth
wisping in my soul
and traded it for gold
the goal is control
Reaching for the sun
one may forget
the feet which
ground him
#2
Quote by bigbirdfan
tears *tearing* down
the scenery so separated from the set
"i bet god hit eject"
"well what did we expect"
calling man it
falling granite
^^these above two lines can be taken out, they don't seem to fit very well.
ignoring the floor
^^Sorry but i don't know what you're saying.
as it fell
into the depths of hell
a suffocating smell
that rose
from decomposed
instruments
^^instruments don't seem to fit here, it is just a speedbump in the flow.
tuned to molten moon
a grin, as sin himself
took the wealth
wisping in my soul
and traded it for gold
the goal is to control

alright, I don't like this piece that much, but it's decent. A lot of it just doesn't make much sense to me and it's a little on the short side, but besides that, the wording is good, the imagery is played out well and I like the premise.
5/10
You could do better, keep writing
C4C?