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#1
This morning I was out in the town doing a bit of shopping (I also had to visit the bank but that's not important to this story!) and what I witnessed will forever be engraved in my mind. Read on if you dare!

It's a beautiful Friday morn, I'm wandering about town enjoying my Greggs sausage roll that I bought (only 54p) and suddenly I feel that feeling that I imagine everyone will have experienced at some point in their life. I needed to pee!
I carefully decipher whereabouts the nearest toilet is to my location and casually yet purposefully make my way there.
I arrive at the toilets and effortlessly push the door open and am hit by a smell unlike no other! "Good god man!" I exclaim, as the smell burns into my nostrils, I want to turn and leave but unfortunately my need to relieve myself is just too strong, I must venture deeper! I brace myself and press onward, now fully in the restroom. Upon a quick inspection of my surroundings I can see there are no other people.
"Right Toby," I say to myself, "Let's make this quick!". I stand in front of one of the many urinals on offer and unzip my trousers. Suddenly I hear a tremendous thud come from a cubicle, the shock is enough to suppress my need to pee. Puzzled, I begin to edge myself closer to try and see if someone is there, the smell is now making my eyes water. I reach the cubicle door and listen intently... silence. "Must have been my imagination" I mutter to myself and return to my urinal.
I begin to pee but am unexpectedly halted by a scream from inside the cubicle "HUUUURRRRNNNNNGGGGHHH". "Good god man!" I shout, completely taken off my feet, "UUGHHH!" replies the cubicle dweller followed by what sounds like a barrage of rocks being hurled into a lake.
The man struggles on for another few minutes, the noises are deafening. The smell, unbearable! Another man walks in and with a look of sheer disgust turns and retreats back outside. I, however, am frozen in complete horror and disbelief.
The battle ensues, the cubicle door shakes violently as his feet batter against it, his cries of terror and agony reverberate throughout the room. At last he lets off his final cry "MMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH".
The room falls silent, aside from some heavy breathing from the man, it was a long desperate battle and I too breathed a sigh of relief.
I finally manage to pee and as I'm washing my hands he exits the cubicle. "Sorry about that son" he timidly says. "Good god man!" I shakily reply, "what on Earth did you eat!?". He doesn't reply and quietly washes his hands and leaves, I do the same.

TL;DR: I go into a toilet and a man has a huge fight with his bowels.
Quote by Monolith295
Tobysaurus is one sexy man.

Quote by Kensai
I think I love you Tobysaurus!

Quote by CFH82
God damn, you've given me a boner Toby!
#2
Why do I have to scroll right?

Why did you stay and listen?

How do magnets work?
edgy meems only friendo :^)
#8
Quote by TheQuailman
Did you check the toilet? He probably gave birth to a demon or something.

Definitely an alien.
#9
For a story that is, essentially about shit, i enjoyed reading it.

You do say "good god, man!" a bit too much though.
WHOMP

Think of that next time you are not allowed to laugh.
#10
If I had just done a massive shit in a public toilet and someone says "good god, man" I would probably be the second most embarassed person there.
#11
Quote by The_Casinator
Did he crap out a live alien like in Dream Catcher or what?


Lmao. This. A portal to hell was probably opened in that potty.
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#12
I've had the same situation once. I went to the bathroom at my university to take a nice dump during the college (best feeling there is besides crapping on the boss's time).
Suddenly I here the in the man cubicle next to me moan...

Now I need to point out our Chemistry Assistant always says 'Uhm... Yeah...'

So I'm enjoying my bowel movement, when suddenly I hear:
'Uhm... Yeah...'
Followed by what seems to be an exodus of digested food from his anus...

Needless to say, I could never look at that assistant again without bursting into laughter.
Quote by Snowblind 911





maybe it's because of your description, or the fact that it's 1:30am here, or both, i can't stop giggling.


Sometimes girls say that too...
#13
Quote by CheezMeUp
I've had the same situation once. I went to the bathroom at my university to take a nice dump during the college (best feeling there is besides crapping on the boss's time).
Suddenly I here the in the man cubicle next to me moan...

Now I need to point out our Chemistry Assistant always says 'Uhm... Yeah...'

So I'm enjoying my bowel movement, when suddenly I hear:
'Uhm... Yeah...'
Followed by what seems to be an exodus of digested food from his anus...

Needless to say, I could never look at that assistant again without bursting into laughter.

Dude, aren't you aware of the fact that in Holland there is an unwritten rule wich dictates that crapping at schools and universities is not acceptable?
#15
Quote by The_Casinator
Dude, aren't you aware of the fact that in Holland there is an unwritten rule wich dictates that crapping at schools and universities is not acceptable?


I go to the University of Antwerp, so I shit wherever I like, Sir!
Quote by Snowblind 911





maybe it's because of your description, or the fact that it's 1:30am here, or both, i can't stop giggling.


Sometimes girls say that too...
#16
Quote by CheezMeUp
I go to the University of Antwerp, so I shit wherever I like, Sir!

Just like that time I went to Graspop in Dessel, there was shit smeared eveywhere in the toilets. Having lived in Belgium for some time, I can conclude that the Belgians have a completely different perception of shit.
#18
Quote by The_Casinator
Just like that time I went to Graspop in Dessel, there was shit smeared eveywhere in the toilets. Having lived in Belgium for some time, I can conclude that the Belgians have a completely different perception of shit.


You think thats bad? Try going on a portable toilet at the Zwarte Cross! There are trousers covered in shit laying in there...
Quote by Snowblind 911





maybe it's because of your description, or the fact that it's 1:30am here, or both, i can't stop giggling.


Sometimes girls say that too...
#19
Hory shet.
I sued Delta Airlines, 'cause they sold me a ticket to New Jersey, I went there, and it SUCKED.
#20
All I read was the tl;dr, and judging by that Im glad I didnt read the whole damn thing.
So come on in
it ain't no sin
take off your skin
and dance around in your bones

#21
I would ask wtf is this shit but I think I really don't want to know.
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You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

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I can fap to this. Keep going.
#23
This instantly reminded me of that guy who wrote the epic "Farted in an Elevator" story. Anyone remember that?
#24
Quote by CoreysMonster
This instantly reminded me of that guy who wrote the epic "Farted in an Elevator" story. Anyone remember that?


No, I don't. But I must say: I'm intrigued!
Please, tell me more of this so called 'Farted in an elevator' story.
Quote by Snowblind 911





maybe it's because of your description, or the fact that it's 1:30am here, or both, i can't stop giggling.


Sometimes girls say that too...
#29
I was at the mall about to watch a movie so I went in for a quick piss so I didn't miss the movie. I use cubicles because I'm shy.

I walked into one and closed the door. I then heard a massive fart and an explosion of shit hitting water followed by a sigh of relief.

I lol'd.
#32
Quote by xharass_natox
you made me choke on my coffee.

Not nearly as bad as what I was choking on!
Quote by Monolith295
Tobysaurus is one sexy man.

Quote by Kensai
I think I love you Tobysaurus!

Quote by CFH82
God damn, you've given me a boner Toby!
#33
I say.
Quote by ChadLikesGuitar
even now, an 8 year old could go download gorilla rape porn and jack off to it.
#38
Holy shit
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You have excellent taste in literature, dear sir

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You have excellent taste in video games, good sir.

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You have terrible taste in signatures, idiotic sir.

kkoo
#39
Quote by The_Casinator
Just like that time I went to Graspop in Dessel, there was shit smeared eveywhere in the toilets. Having lived in Belgium for some time, I can conclude that the Belgians have a completely different perception of shit.


ohh man...

The_Casinator, you made my Pit-surfing fantastic.
Your dreams are all out of focus;
Knock you up when you're feeling down.
And all the world feels so unreal...


COLORFUL COLORS
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Hitler was really smart and could have been a good leader but he was kind of a douche to the Jews.
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