This song is titled R.I.P and it's by the band I'm in.

I wrote the music to this song but always feel like theres something missing. This recording was done over the summer in June. I've edited some of it but haven't rerecorded yet.

Any ideas on how to make it better?

You can listen to it on my UG page

it's the last song, titled R.I.P of course.
I liked it. It reminds me of MCR's I brought you bullets..., and nirvana. The lyrics were pretty cliched (they don't ruin the song, but don't bring much meaning to it either). The biggest mess-up was at about 30 sec. when the guitar feedback rolls in. It totally throws out the dramatic build up, but can be easily re-recorded to sound good.

Please crit Deathcore July 2010 on my profile: http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/kamjam7/music/
Yah the feedback was an accident. During recording I held strings down and it lead to it giving off some feedback. The intro is now harmonized and the lead for the riff is a bit different. We plan on rerecording it sometime early next year or sooner along with other songs we are trying to make better.