#1
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/1558265/Day%20of%20Infamy%20test.mp3
UPDATED LINK!(As of Sept 20, 2010): http://dl.dropbox.com/u/1558265/Day%20of%20Infamy%20test%202.mp3

The first few minutes of something I've been trying to write for the past few months. It isn't a recording or anything special in terms of mix, but just MIDI guitar with programmed drums behind it.

Anyways, I'm looking for ways I can improve this. To do this, I will need HARSH criticisms. But please keep it constructive. ^_^

I'm mainly trying to focus on the riffs, transitions, and drum beats. I know I need lots of help with drums, so please help me with that. About the riffs, I just want to know if anything sounds generic, boring, etc. and how I can improve upon it. In addition, I'm looking for the transitions between riffs to be as smooth as butter.

Again, I'm not really looking for compliments or such at this point. I'm looking for criticisms. So what can I do to make this sound better in terms of songwriting?

Thanks in advance! I'll promise C4C if you want!

(Yes, I've been listening to a lot of The Black Dahlia Murder lately thanks to a lot of people telling me "Dude, your stuff sounds like TBDM!!". So I looked them up, and I loved what I was hearing. This is my first composition that is at least somewhat influenced by them.)

Check out my other work "Lost in Revelation" if you like: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1318151
Last edited by Shawn! at Sep 20, 2010,
#2
I am a big fan of Lost in Revelation, so i'll do my best to give you a good crit.

First thing: The drum fills going high to low on toms are overused WAY too much. I would try using an offbeat ride/hi-type thing, or something new with the snare to change some of the fills.

2nd: on the riff that probably looks like: A string:5 0 0 5 0 0 5 0 8 0 7 0 7 1 1 7 1 1 7 1 10 1 8 1, don't hit the snare at the 5's, 7's 8's etc. as often. Switch it after the first time. Try hitting snare a note before or after, or using the rides/hi-hats different, and you should come up with something different. *just noticed on the riff prior you do the same with the cymbals*

3rd: try not to overuse the offbeat snare, or double bass, (not that it was a major problem).

As far as transitions go, i couldn't find any problems besides the snare-tom-tom-tom drum fills.

It has good potential, but needs some work. I wish the best to you!

Please crit Deathcore July 2010 on my profile: http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/kamjam7/
#5
Dude, I know you said please no postive comments...but I gotta say...those where some really awesome riffs! I cant give as good advice as kamjam, but I can encourage you to keep doing this, and I would love to hear this actually with real intruments! This has potential!
#6
Solid riffs, nice transitions and an overall good composition. I agree with kamjam7 about the drum fills and the accents being switched around in the repetition. I'm not a big fan of those eight note riffs going on forever and ever though, but it goes with the style of genre. A little generic sounding and it's not something I haven't heard before, but it's solid.
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#8
Hey, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you! I know you're looking for mostly negative feed back, but there isn't a lot for me to comment on in that regard. As mentioned before, you do use the descending tom fill quite a lot and it gets a bit too repetitive, but in regard to the snare hits for the aforementioned riff, I think, depending on the dynamics of the vocals, and the build ups you're trying to create ect, work very well. I'm looking forward to hearing this recorded with real instruments, it'll be a lot easier to comment on it then too!
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#9
Shawn!,
The drum audio quality is good. Parts of this song are so fast, it just seems cartoonish to me (just parts of it). I'm sure real guitar would lessen that impression. If it were me, I would slow down the tempo on at least parts of it. At least with the MIDI stuff, the timing of the notes are in the right spot (even if it's too fast tempo-wise). This would be very difficult to play a real guitar this fast. I couldn't do it & stay in time. I feel I'm being harsher than usual, because that's what you asked for. Please review my much slower music at this link:

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1356300
#10
Thank you Odirunn and Aaron for the feedback! Every little bit of criticism helps towards the final product, and when I do record this and listen to it back, I'll be happy you guys helped! ^_^

I'll get to your work in a bit Aaron, thanks!
#11
Good riffs throughout, though some of the "runs up and down a scale" seemed a bit silly (but that might be just me not getting the genre). The double bass drumming also seemed a bit overused, but again, that might be me not getting the genre.

I like the somewhat more melodic part about halfway into the song.
#12
Okay, I'm just going to chip in with one thing;

I think you could be doing so much more with the second guitar in this song - I don't know if it's just that you haven't finished rhythm guitar yet or if it's how you intended it, but for this song I think there are very few points where you need two guitars playing the same thing. In particular the riff first heard at 0:35 sounds like it could really use just some simple rising chords to fill it out somewhat. One point where I would keep them doing the same is the intro up to 0:17 - that sounds great as is.

But yeah in terms of the rest I'd hope to hear some more harmonies and dual'd leads going on, there are so many missed opportunities here for that kind of thing and so long as you steer away from always harmonizing by straight 3rds, (I personally love mixing 6ths with 3rds just to change things up) it won't sound generic.

Seeing as this is a melodic metal song, I was really hoping for solo times just as the song ended. Something with straight 3rds included and lots of overdramatics. This might sound a bit generic, but the song feels like it would suck that kind of stuff up, and I genuinely feel a solo could really improve this song, and add to it.

Hope some of this helps a bit - I know it didn't up as being just one thing in the end, but there ya go! Hope you'll crit mine when you've got the time!
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#13
@Nashag: Thanks man! Yeah, I think some of the double bass parts are silly, but I'm obsessive over double bass. ^_^ I like that melodic part too. Thanks again!

@Daemos: Thanks for the awesome crit man! Once again the help I was looking for! Don't worry, there will lots of harmony parts, mainly 3rd intervals since I love the way they sound, but I'll try to refrain from overdoing it. And yes, of course there will be a solo. This is just the first few minutes of it; the other half of the song is completely solos. But yeah man, I'll think more towards harmonies and dual leads; I myself too think they're lacking here. By the way, I never thought of harmonizing with 6ths, unless inverted 3rds are the same thing. Thank you again!

I'll have a listen at your guys' work tomorrow. I'm kinda busy at the moment, but I promise I'll deliver.

By the way, I've updated the song work: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/1558265/Day%20of%20Infamy%20test%202.mp3

I changed some the drum fills and parts and included harmonies. Yeah, the harmonies sound weird, but that's because of the crappy-sounding MIDI soundfont. Trust me, it sounds perfect when played on guitar. Is it a step in the right direction?
#14
Wow.That is some sick ass guitar playing for someone so young.I've been playing for almost 18 years and couldn't even come close to what your playing.Your playing is very precise.I have to say I really enjoyed the piece.I really dont see how you could have done it better.Good job.If you find time check out my first ever recording.Let me know what you think. Its blues but if you enjoy music as I do genre doesn't matter.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1363356
Last edited by The Writ at Sep 20, 2010,