#1
c4c welcome

Like a baby I still mourn
the very day that I was born.
No memory haunts me from back then
but my heart remembers the hour,
and wets my eyes with a sadness.
It's not the first time my lips meet my tears
but now the salt's become sour
and the odor I smell is of fear.

Mother's hands gently reached out to touch mine
and smooth cloth wiped my eyes, still blind.
With every caress a thumb stroked my little chin
only in a kind and tender gesture.
No intelligent reason for sorrow reached my mind
in concious nor in absent nor in sleepy state,
and of the case that caused my grief I was unsure.
The only thing I knew was: 'For going back it's far too late.'

Now I'm old, since long my cheeks have dried,
the yell in my throat and at the top of my lungs has died.
No memory haunts me from back then
but my hearts remembers the hour.
My tears have yielded, the fight is done.
Life has known many suns and moons
and more have I given than I ever possessed.
Eternity awaits and I don't regret it,
because now I know why babies cry.
#2
I really enjoyed that. The flow was very consistent, I didnt have a single hitch when reading it and I think that could translate quite well to music, if that is your intention.

The story itself was not out of the ordinary, but the way it was told was quite unique, so kudos on that. The only thing that I had a problem with was the very last line of the first stanza, I would suggest removing the "of" before fear. its a small thing I know, but its really all that I can think of.

Overall, great job! Keep it up.

C4C? Sig.
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.
#3
Damn, I like it. My only suggestion is that you reconsider the 'mourn/born' rhyme in the first two lines. There isn't a whole lot of rhyming in the rest of the piece, but that gave me an expectation that there would be. It's not a big issue, though, so keep it if you feel like it fits. I really enjoyed reading this.
kill all humans
#4
That was great! There's a few lines that could use a little more 'flow' in my opinion (I'm not a fan of inconstistent rhym,ing paterns, but that's just something personal), but I absolutely love the concept. Keep it up man !
You who build these altars now

To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore