#1
yea, just a had a sudden flood of inspiration.
no real structure just 5 verses. opinions?


and now it all becomes real
all the things you heard about,
the pain you feel.
you can't believe it
you've been bought and sold
it's just a dream.
your hearts gone cold

your skins like stone
and the things you see
make you realise your still alone.
your head is heavy
and your eyes are dim.
the cracks are showing
and it all looks grim

everything was great.
everything was well.
but now you know your fate.
the sky is grey
the wind is blowing
the fear sinks in
of not knowing.

but the nightmare doesn't end
it still continues
and theres no way to pretend
and now you can see
here it comes
the uncontrollable close
to whats been done.

the ground starts to shake
you start to shiver
but you're still awake
so you run
cause you're gonna crack.
and now its here
and you can't go back
Last edited by timfoley at Sep 6, 2010,
#4
Quote by timfoley
yea, just a had a sudden flood of inspiration.
no real structure just 4 verses. opinions?


and now it all becomes real
all the things you heard about,
the pain you feel.
you can't believe it
you've been bought and sold
it feels like a dream.
your hearts gone cold

Damn, like this one, nice opening verse.


your skins like stone
and the things you see
make you realise your still alone.
your head is heavy
and your eyes are dim.
the cracks are showing
and it all looks grim

I can see the words you write, good imagery.

everything was great.
everything was well.
but now you know your fate.
the sky is grey
the wind is blowing
the fear sinks in
of not knowing.

Once again, nice imagery.

but the nightmare doesn't end
it still continues
and theres no time to pretend
and now you can see
here it comes
the uncontrollable close
of whats been said and whats been done


That's cool how this ending verse goes back to "It feels like a dream" line in the first verse....Yet, something seems to be missing as well....
#7
Aight, this is pretty tight. The first thing i thought abt these lyrics was from the first line. It felt very Linkin Park. So..i've just had that kidna music going to it in my head (: But yea, again. this is pretty nice and i thin kyou should extend this. Really. don't block your imagination. and..idk. work on not making it so...clishe? Just everything with the sky being grey and the wind blowing. it's..personally a bit too clishe..maybe work on making it more originial? find another item or soemthing to compare your emotion to. or don't compare it at all. just..put it out there. Idk if i can say anything else, but i hope i could help. Good job, these lyrics will be very nice whenever you finish! (:



C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1348545
#11
Brilliant. You no if i was older id buy the rights to them off you nah seriously man, very skilled writer.
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