#1
Now, first things first... As this is the internet, a lot of you are going to get hung up over my interpretation of irony. Imo, all tears of laughter are ironic, as tears are usually connected to sorrow and have negative connotations, but in the case of crying with laughter, it is the complete opposite. As irony is when the "literal meaning is the opposite of the intended meaning", I think I can get away with it.

Enough of covering my back: here are my new lyrics.
They are for a progressive metal song, hence the structure.
The asterisks indicate screamed vocals.


Verse 1:
HA!
I got you with that one,
You've dragged it this far now you can Damn well finish it.
Your rusty tool won't get you any further.

Shut your trap before you snare yourself,
The drums still beating,
Walk the mile, try not to trip on your tongue
*The dogs need feeding.*

Chorus:
You can't fit,
It just makes me laugh
These false tears.
You hold it in,
It just makes you laugh
Your eyes smear.

Bridge: x 2
Running round in circles
Picking up the pieces
of joke gone down like
Cold sick on a hot day
Oldest turned to Dearest
I don't think so, so you
Pull the other one love
Doesn't work that way your
Running round in circles
Picking up the pieces
of joke gone down like
Cold sick on a hot day
Oldest turned to Dearest
I don't think so, so you
Pull the other one
*LOVE DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.*

*What a sorry state you're in,
What a sorry state you're in.*

HA!

You'd turn yourself inside out
Just to hide from your face,
*or at least that's what you say.*

I got you with that one,
You've dragged it this far now you can Damn well finish it.
Your rusty tool won't get you any further
Down.


(You think that I'm Joking?) x4
*Just stay down*

*You think that?* x4
(Are you ****ing kidding?)

Chorus:
You can't fit,
It just makes me laugh
These false tears.
You hold it in,
It just makes you laugh
Your eyes smear.


Outro:


Any crit is welcome
Will C4C
Cheers in adnvance
#2
Wow man, first I've read of these kind of pieces here!
Let's get started. I like what you're getting at, it's a good concept but at a few times it doesn't seem played out very well, like at the, "are you f**kin kidding me?" part. Seems a little bit... Mislead. Good but mislead. Besides that part I really like this. It's new, it's fresh and it's done well. The intro and breakdown were very well written to.
7.5/10 great work, keep writing.
C4C?
#3
Cheers dude Much appreciated.

I see what you mean about that bit, I'll give it a think. I just struggled a bit because it has to fit to quite and odd rhythm.

Yeah, I'll C4C, which one shall I crit?
#4
Quote by benonbass1
Cheers dude Much appreciated.

I see what you mean about that bit, I'll give it a think. I just struggled a bit because it has to fit to quite and odd rhythm.

Yeah, I'll C4C, which one shall I crit?

hmm, maybe A Guy Like Me, or It's just Me. they don't seem to be getting much love :P
thanks man