#1
well i don't.

something to think about
when you're driving to work
early wednesday morning, maybe
avoiding stations playing songs i liked singing.

the dew is the fog is-
are your headlights gold?
is it easier to think of it as home?
when counting yellow highway lines
without the to or from.

i'll get a handle on this,
life as lonely as loss and losing as
not really laborious.
and all the people as paper as planes
flying in figure eights a little too close to the sun.
i feel at odds at once in love with every one.

maybe you've stopped thinking about me,
maybe you'll take the drive through the city
maybe you never wanted to,
but this is probably the only way i get to talk to you.

and now take it,
easy on my biggest flaw
to love to fall in love
because the
worst is all i want.

fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. fuck. fuck. fuck.
#2
The last stanza really spoke to me on a personal level, really and truely love it. A lot of the rest seems like a lot filler, sorry I can't pick out specific spots, I'm on my iPod. I also strongly suggest you take out that last spasm of **** at the bottom or a moderator might take down your post.
Anyway, I like this piece but it could use a little work.
6.5/10
C4C?
#3
some of this isn't up to your usual standard. Mainly the ending and fourth stanza.
that being said, I like the pace of it. although it's tripping on itself a big towards the end, it keeps moving forward.
it just missed your usual thoughtfulness.

I hope all is good.
#4
Quote by Caboose911
The last stanza really spoke to me on a personal level, really and truely love it. A lot of the rest seems like a lot filler, sorry I can't pick out specific spots, I'm on my iPod. I also strongly suggest you take out that last spasm of **** at the bottom or a moderator might take down your post.
Anyway, I like this piece but it could use a little work.
6.5/10
C4C?


i'm not too worried about the spasm of fuck (great phrase, by the way). it's the only part of this that isn't filler. the rest is posturing and attempting to make poetry from that which is not poetic. the fucks are honest, the rest is garbage. thanks for the words.


Quote by circular.parade
some of this isn't up to your usual standard. Mainly the ending and fourth stanza.
that being said, I like the pace of it. although it's tripping on itself a big towards the end, it keeps moving forward.
it just missed your usual thoughtfulness.

I hope all is good.


i haven't stopped to write anything with tenderness or cleverness or consideration in a long while. this is just emotional discharge/drivel. i hope to get back to writing for real soon. it's always wonderful to hear from you, mat. thanks for your thoughts.
#5
the constant use of "as" confused me only a little less than wondering where you were going with this
#6
this feels stifled, as it should.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja