#1
I wrote this one half asleep last night. It seems a bit forced in some places because I kinda rushed it to get some opinions on how to work with it.

Anyway, I started out by writing along the lines of one theme and near the end is where it went off on a different tangent. To me it works, but it's not how I planned it to go, which is why an opinion would be good.

Enough babbling; here's my new song, The Battle.

Verse 1
I can't sleep knowing
You hold a grudge against me
I'm a man against an army
I can't wake knowing
My back's against the wall
And you're just gonna let me fall


Pre-Chorus 1
But I won't give up
No, I won't give in
I'll give it my all to find the reasons within


Chorus
Cause I know you're broken
From the things that I've said
And I know you'll fight
Through the battle ahead
But two syllables can note
The hurt and the shame
Regret for the worst
The anguish and pain


Verse 2
I can't stand here today
Knowing the reasons
They'll testify against me
I can't see the light at the end of this tunnel
As the judge slams the gavel
My light is blackened


Pre-Chorus 2
But I'm not giving up
Cause I still got a shot
Cause the One I put my faith in
Is givin' all He's got


Chorus
Cause I know you're broken
From the things that I've said
And I know you'll fight
Through the battle ahead
But two syllables can note
The hurt and the shame
Regret for the worst
The anguish and pain


Bridge
You saw through the façade
And You opened my heart to the inner me
I need You to set it free
You gave me one chance
Which I took with both hands, now I'll never look back
Cause you got me back on track


Pre-Chorus 3
I'm not ever giving up
Cause I waited it out
I saw it through the battle
And lived to tell about it
Yeah, I'm never giving up
Cause the war is far from gone
And the battles will continue
Cause the best is yet to come


Chorus
I'm gonna take to
The stand and today
I'm gonna turn my life around
It will all be okay
There's no need to worry
The tables have turned
The odds in my favour and I've nothing to lose

I guess the time's come
And we both know it's true
She's ready to give
All the glory to You
The war is now the was (?)
The present turns to past
The battle's been won
And it's now in the past!


Outro
The war is now the was (?)
The present turns to past
The battle's been won
And it's now in the past

(Spoken: "Alright, it's about time we call it a truce.")
#2
Awesome man! Can't wait for the music to add on.
Quote by Athabasca
My ex did the same. Cheated on me and then acted like I'd given her sister a facial. Women are retarded.
#3
I rather enjoy it. Very well written indeed. Please notify me if you add music to it, and post it onto your profile, or elsewhere.
Quote by DonGlover

You look like a young Eugene Levy, but with a moustache.

Quote by slapsymcdougal
Quote by Dreadnought
Kicking a man when he's down, I'm proud of you

When they're down is the safest time.

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Sharks Stanley Cup 16-17,,,,?
#4
Sorry for double posting, but I just wanted to say that I really like the chorus. Very well written.
Quote by DonGlover

You look like a young Eugene Levy, but with a moustache.

Quote by slapsymcdougal
Quote by Dreadnought
Kicking a man when he's down, I'm proud of you

When they're down is the safest time.

Soundcloud
Sharks Stanley Cup 15-16
Sharks Stanley Cup 16-17,,,,?
#5
Awesome, thanks guys. I've got a MIDI track coming soon. It's got a 6/8 time to it and it's relatively clean with the odd "flangered" riff.

Other than that, is there anything I could do to fix things up, improve it, etc.?
#6
I'm thinking really is just fix up those parts with the (?) beside them.
Also on the very last chorus, it sounds a tad off, though it may be possibly cause I don't have the timing right. But some of the syllables just kinda sounds off, as if there isn't enough/too much on one line. i don't really know lol.
Btw for the part where is says
''The tables have turned
The odds in my favour and I've nothing to lose''
Would,
The tables have turned
The odds in my favour
I'll leave no stone unturned
Be suitable? I thought it sounded neat, and it's a really good saying among people, you know? Don't know if it's proper for how your writing it, but meh.
Take my advice, leave it, doesn't matter to me. Just a tad of advice coming from me.
Quote by DonGlover

You look like a young Eugene Levy, but with a moustache.

Quote by slapsymcdougal
Quote by Dreadnought
Kicking a man when he's down, I'm proud of you

When they're down is the safest time.

Soundcloud
Sharks Stanley Cup 15-16
Sharks Stanley Cup 16-17,,,,?
#7
Quote by skylerjames13
I'm thinking really is just fix up those parts with the (?) beside them.
Also on the very last chorus, it sounds a tad off, though it may be possibly cause I don't have the timing right. But some of the syllables just kinda sounds off, as if there isn't enough/too much on one line. i don't really know lol.

The chorus seems to work for me since I know the music. I will upload a MIDI track like I said when I'm done, so hopefully it works better then.

Btw for the part where is says
''The tables have turned
The odds in my favour and I've nothing to lose''
Would,
The tables have turned
The odds in my favour
I'll leave no stone unturned
Be suitable? I thought it sounded neat, and it's a really good saying among people, you know? Don't know if it's proper for how your writing it, but meh.
Take my advice, leave it, doesn't matter to me. Just a tad of advice coming from me.

I agree, it does sound neat, but I figure I'm talking about the odds being in my favour. It's a gambling term I guess, which kinda makes "I've nothing to lose" a more suitable option (in my opinion anyway). But thanks again for your input.