Burning_Angel
Valar Morghulis
Join date: Jun 2006
2,379 IQ
#1
As always, c4c of course [just gotta give me time... I dunno how much time I'll have what with school and such]. How much I write depends how much you write though, as usual.

Anyway. This is my latest, and last for a while. Been done for a while, done my tweaks, and now it's time for some outside comments. Song is long [15 minutesish], do bear in mind. But probably my best. If not my best, then my personal favorite. A bit different from how I usually do things.

As usual, the sound comes from a variety of influences. Notably, however, Burzum, Moonsorrow, The Fall of Every Season, Mar de Grises, Angantyr, Arizmenda, Autumn Verses, and Kvist. And Cold Body Radiation, Irrwisch, Drudkh and the like.

Anywho though. Lemme know what y'all think! Thanks in advance!
EDIT: Made some changes structurally/cut some here, fix'd a transition there, and added an ending, at the suggestion of the last reviewer. Danke, wq.
I also added piano parts, and other key parts. So, more thoughts people? I think it's better now [and that's sayin' something...]
Edit2: Fix'd a bassline, made a few final changes. most likely, this is the final format unless there's some good crits comin'...
Edit3: I went back to original form. Took off the last tacked on outro. And cut a repeat from a section.
I'm still gonna play with some rhythms btw, and perhaps repost it once it has a bit mroe variation.
Attachments:
[4] Dust.zip
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Oct 20, 2010,
theogonia777
Miss Kristen
Join date: Jun 2009
2,141 IQ
#2
it sounds good, didn't really get a chance to listen all the way through, I'll let you know what I think once I get a chance to give the whole thing a listen.
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omg its better than i imagined... so dark and cozy and warm...


Read this please. This as well.
shanchett99
^is my name -> is my game
Join date: Sep 2008
78 IQ
#3
it doesnt sound as "dark" as most black metal i listen too, but its really close. if you can get your band to play this it'll certainly get noticed.
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ROFLLOBSTER
Burning_Angel
Valar Morghulis
Join date: Jun 2006
2,379 IQ
#4
a] Oh? You gotta explore the genre a bit more, then, methinks. The goal of my style, and a lot of the stuff I listen to isn't so much evil/darkness/traditional black metal aesthetics, as it is melancholy/atmosphere/whatever.
and
b] I have no band. Only me. I'll record it all someday, however. Need lyrics too, of course, but I'm in the process of writing those... But, that said? I don't really care, or want to get noticed. I just make some original music.

EDIT: So, anyone got a real crit for me?
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Sep 7, 2010,
Burning_Angel
Valar Morghulis
Join date: Jun 2006
2,379 IQ
#5
Anybody?
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
Rossielle
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2010
896 IQ
#6
great stuff,man i didn't like some moments in this song,but it is not bad. i like it. why you did not have a band??
Burning_Angel
Valar Morghulis
Join date: Jun 2006
2,379 IQ
#7
Because it's easier for me to just write without considerations of other members.
But really, because no one in my area that I know actually listens to similar music, and has a similar style to me anymore. The one person that did, who was one of my better friends moved away. :/
[That said, should I ever actually form a band, it'll be different from this style that I've found/developed... More second wave BM style, in the vein of Kvist, Autumn Verses, Luror, Darkthrone, Burzum, Horna, Behexen, Satyricon and the like. Ie: Less doom, less post rock, and far darker/more intense. Not to mention, shorter songs. ]
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Sep 10, 2010,
Rossielle
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2010
896 IQ
#8
Quote by Burning_Angel
Because it's easier for me to just write without considerations of other members.
But really, because no one in my area that I know actually listens to similar music, and has a similar style to me anymore. The one person that did, who was one of my better friends moved away. :/
[That said, should I ever actually form a band, it'll be different from this style that I've found/developed... More second wave BM style, in the vein of Kvist, Autumn Verses, Luror, Darkthrone, Burzum, Horna, Behexen, Satyricon and the like. Ie: Less doom, less post rock, and far darker/more intense. Not to mention, shorter songs. ]


do you want to collaborate with me ? i have some ideas but it is not enough to make that things that i wish. two minds are better than one.so?

p.s. i like a lot your stuff
Last edited by Rossielle at Sep 18, 2010,
Wquennasar
Melancholic
Join date: May 2010
423 IQ
#9
Hey, thanks for the crit! Now, while I do listen to Opeth on occasion, I really am not a fan of long songs, so take my comments with a grain of salt. Grim, frostbitten salt from the forests of Norway.

First off, song length. Far too long. At least when Opeth goes nuts, there are some acoustic passages to slow things down. Doom songs are slow the entire way. Up until the end, it's constant overdriven 16th chords, and tremolo picked 32nds. That's aural assault. Piano breaks would be great here, I feel. Or acoustic breaks.

I'm not sure why you had the first and last tracks, because there weren't any notes in either.

All sections are just copy+pastes of the first 4 bars, it seems, although there isn't much to change.

The ending should've been a bit more majestic, in my opinion. I'd definitely have ended with something like B/E-1, and make it fade out while it's still going on.

All of that sounds pretty negative; I actually enjoyed it, lol. Nice work, pretty epic stuff!
All is ghost in memory and poison in the sun
Burning_Angel
Valar Morghulis
Join date: Jun 2006
2,379 IQ
#10
Danke for the crit, dude.

It's always nice to hear honest comments. And really, mine seemed quite negative on yours too. So it's fair.

But yeah, I'm not gonna add any breaks or anything, but I may layers some cleans/acoustics or piano over a few sections. Just give a bit more variation.

But really, The reason basically the first half [or more] is mostly faster stuff, is cause I almost always start songs slow, with cleans, and build them up to a climax, then wind them down to end. I wanted to do that, but sorta in reverse with this one. Start with fury, speed, etc, lotsa black metal, and then slow it down in the latter half for the climax/end. And I am inclined to believe I succeeded.

But yeah. Thanks all! Anyone else?
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
Burning_Angel
Valar Morghulis
Join date: Jun 2006
2,379 IQ
#11
I've made changes, mostly from Wquenasar's crit. The song is better now, I find.

Piano has been added, and some Burzumic dulcimer noises, and I've fix'd some flow issues here there. I also added a new outro, a fade out.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
swashbuckle50
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2008
451 IQ
#12
A: Very nice chords and great atmosphere build up

B:I really liked the melody and tremolo picking but the blast beats arent my taste. I think a straight double bass with a melodic snare would be a little nicer personally.

C: Sounded cluttered in gp but would prolly sound sweet recorded. Even if you made it just piano and bass i think that would build up the "sadness" a little more.

D: Great rhythm, the piano really adds here.

does a little repeat of sections, nice

C-1 : Very intense sounds good.

E: Good idea going for the melodic thing here but the melody itself doesnt seem fitting with the rest of the song to me... a little less dramatic i guess than the song could have used... at bar 242 actually it turns very nice.. that sad swaying to it.

F: This is a nice section provides some tasteful relief and change of pace.

G: I didnt care for this section could sound good recorded though.

The rest is just the same riffs mostly, good structure and the song really doesnt lose steam. Good job.

Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1365694
Burning_Angel
Valar Morghulis
Join date: Jun 2006
2,379 IQ
#13
Thanks for the honest crit.

It does repeat a lot. As do most of my songs. But I'm with Varg on this one; that's the only way to build an atmosphere.

Anyone else? I made a few final edits here and there...
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
huevos
Signt, oo Jaed?
Join date: Feb 2007
1,892 IQ
#14
It's all well put together, from section to section.
But it's very exhausting to listen to. That has a lot to do with it's length.

I'll be doing a more aesthetic based crit as opposed to a point-by-point, quantitative crit.
After all, when dealing with atmospheres so dense, it is futile to measure how deep the fog is. It's best to get immersed in it.

Which I believe is the point of this song. It's definitely not something that you want to listen to often. It should be reserved for long drives and the taking of scenic routes.
There are definitely some issues that you should work out though.

The E-1 (and B and C-1) blastbeat section(s) is(are) too jarring. I understand that's how black metal works and all, but it just sounds off time.
I think if you separated the snare hits more, you'd get a more even blast. And placing them on the offbeat instead of the onbeat.
The clash of the atmosphere doesn't work well with the blasts that I mentioned. I think that if you went for a balls out, heavy rhythmic riff akin to death/thrash metal, you'd get more mileage out of it.
And yeah, the straight 16ths/32nds get a bit much after a while. I think varying the guitars would help. Follow the bass more (in E-1 especially) and add more rhythm nuance to the guitar sections.
The murkiness is hindering the song imo.

F-Now that's what I'm talking about.
Excellent Agalloch/Insomnium stylings. I'm not well-versed in melodic black metal, so those are the comparisons that I drew (and I guess Insomnium isn't even BM).

I'm an impatience bastard, so I skipped towards the next F section.
The midi can be grating. If this were recorded by live instruments, I'd enjoy immensely.
That can hold true for a lot of songs on this forum, but atmosphere heavy songs like this are heavily supported by the timbre of the instruments.

The final E-1 section was unnecessary. Ending at bar 506 would have been much better, as it had a powerful cadence (rhythmically and melodically).

A good song, but I think you've stretched out the material a bit thin. Trimming a lot of the fat, variation in rhythm, and ending at the appropriate section would make this song excellent.

So I lied. There was point-by-point analysis. It's what happens when you get stuck in the void and have nothing better to do.

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1367316
Wquennasar
Melancholic
Join date: May 2010
423 IQ
#15
The new version sounds amazing. Do you have any plans to record this?
All is ghost in memory and poison in the sun
100%
Metal
Join date: Nov 2009
660 IQ
#16
Pretty good, i feel bad for the drummer that has to learn that second part (unless their naturally really fast)
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Burning_Angel
Valar Morghulis
Join date: Jun 2006
2,379 IQ
#17
Naw, blasting that fast isn't that difficult... I've heard faster, after all...

and
Quote by Wquennasar
The new version sounds amazing. Do you have any plans to record this?

Someday. I explained this as well to Ulalume in my thread for 'Loss' [which is basically the exact opposite of this song, in terms of my style ]: I must first purchase adequete gear to get it to sound the way I hear it in my head. So, at the very least a Shure SM48, and a condenser mic for acoustics/vocals... And I need better programming stuff for all the other instruments aside from guitar/bass. ....aaaand
I need to write lyrics. [In other words, I'm just hoping I can record all my recent stuff by the end of next summer. We'll see though]
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
piratemetalhead
Registered User
Join date: May 2007
2,274 IQ
#18
gp5 black metulz, neat

I like the fade-in intro, though tremelo and blast beats kinda sound weird without rse. It almost seems too melodic for me, but that's just me; I'm normally into black metal that's a bit thrashier and atonal. I like the drums though, and the structuring works very well.

Lengthy, but i didnt really mind, and I like the constant adding of new sections, keeps the song interesting. Though, I liked the more relaxed melodic sections than the tremelo/blast beat ones.

Overall, sounds like a well-formed, developed piece- I like it. If you have the time, feel free to c4c (link in my sig)
Miniskirt
i hate myself
Join date: Aug 2009
144 IQ
#19
Part B is a little boring by 202. I think because you have the same blastbeat thing going on from 194-201, it would sound good if you add a slower (or just different) beat at 202.

At 218, you again should change the drums (or if you change it at 202, you could possibly keep it like it is). I like the change at 236, you should use variation like this a lot more.

I really enjoy the arpeggios at 282. Though I don't like it going into D at 214, it doesn't really flow (unless this is what you were going for). I think the over-repetition of parts and the lack of development in these parts that make the song kinda drag on. Though I like when A2 comes back at 354, after C2. And after that it kinda drags again. Though it sounds good when the clean guitar comes in at 450. And the piano coming in at the end was a good choice.

As other people have said, the song is pretty steady, and it's a quite repetitious, especially for such a long song. You can have very subtle changes, these will make all the difference.

But overall I enjoyed it, I would suggest continuing to edit and you have quite the epic piece.
kcorkcar
UG's Band Logo Designer
Join date: Apr 2009
702 IQ
#20
The song itself sounds very decent and i would consider listening to it every now and again mainly because of the atmosphere.

Since it is black metal though, just try to give it a dark or maniac feel in some areas.
otherwise all is good.
Keep at it man
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Burning_Angel
Valar Morghulis
Join date: Jun 2006
2,379 IQ
#21
Wow lots of responses. Apologies I've not had time to get back to 'em all.

But, danke huevos for your thoughts about the end. I tend to agree. Thus I think I shall end it where you said.

Everyone else: Thanks. I will of course keep playing with it to add more variation/rhythmic changes and such.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"