#1
I'm a new member, so aloha to all of you.
anyways, i write songs all the freakin' time, but i think this is one of my best ones. I just wrote it last night, it's hard to explain the music.

The into is admittedly lame(musically) with just whole notes of E, D, A

The verses (2nd, and4th stanzas) are done in a kind of whiny but fast tempo style, where I pick and gradually progress to strumming (aggressively) the chords of
F C Am Em (4 counts to each)

and the chorus is abruptly changes to a major key, with a catch riff to match the vocals ( this is the storey of my life) and then goes into a punk bliss of F#, Emaj, B, and G# (all power chords except the Emaj. Power chords are a rarity for me to use so don't start flaming you trolls :p)

That probably just confused you, so forget it, haha. When i get a camera that can pickup the guitar sound clearly I'll record it for teh internets.

Tell me what you think

Look at the stars, they're like a dream catcher tonight
Pouring all these visions of purpose in my head
Adding to the Chaos that will soon leave me dead
Well i've got a few unanswered questions

Will I ever break this lonely curse?
Will your name ever cease to haunt my dreams?
Is my faith really long dead and gone,
Did I leave it on the battlefield of my despair?
Did it fall trying to defend my innocence?
Finally overwhelmed by the grief in me,
Was this my sacrifice?
My sacrifice to a god I don't even believe in anymore?

This is the story of my life:
maybe I'll wake up and see a smile in the mirror
slip a tie on and pat my son on the head
and kiss you,
my loving wife, yes you darling, did you know you're in love with me now?
But it probably won't happen that way
I'll be lying in the gutter, a crack-pipe in one hand and a burnt out bible in the other
and in my head i was composing a letter to you
before i passed out all alone in the street
you know some people call this fun?

Well i never really was one for this
sitting in my room staring at a blank wall
just wanting to fade away into the old sheetrock
with a sudden desire for self-destruction
I was meant for so much more than this
We were meant for so much more than this
Will i ever break this lonely curse?
will we ever be something more?

tell me baby, If I was your king:
would you fall down on your knees, say my name and tell me you'd give me anything?
would you tell me you loved me?
would you fall in my arms, look up at my face and think how I'm your everything?
But that's like waiting for lightning to strike
in a barren, flat plain with no metal in it except for the burning desire in my heart
This is the story of my life:
time and time again, this lonely curse is my bride
"No one is you, and you're no one"
Last edited by Poetic License at Sep 6, 2010,
#5
I hope I'm not asking too much here, but I'd like someone to point out everything they don't like or whatever in it. criticize it as harshly as you can.
"No one is you, and you're no one"