#1
Hey,
this is Taylor.
You know,
the guy that was always there for you ?
The one that spent hours listening to you complain about other guys,
tried to make you feel better whenever they ditched you for sluttier girls.
Who listened to you cry when your parents fought,
told you to close your eyes and follow my voice until everything's alright.
The one who cried with you when you threatened to kill yourself.
The guy you treated like shit when he tried to make you smile,
that you yelled at and cussed out because you knew he wouldn't hang up.
The guy you kept telling to fuck off
because he thinks you're the prettiest girl in the world.

Well it turns out you're just a bitch,
so I'm going to go fuck sluttier girls now,
bye
#5
Yeah! **** Brittany! No seriously you should bang that girl tonight if she's as pretty as you say.
"For we are nothing without brotherhood and brotherhood is nothing without our brothers" -We Came As Romans
#7
Quote by greyeyedfire
Yes yes, all good.
Now that we've had our giggle fix, maybe we can take on a less undercutting tone ?


Maybe if people start writing things that don't undercut our intelligence.
breaking hearts
&
breaking guitars
#8
^Who the fuck to you think you are?


you know exactly what this is, taylor. and i hope you hang in there through it.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#9
Ouch.


Quote by Kevy Absolution
Maybe if people start writing things that don't undercut our intelligence.



More ouch.


(is that Brittany? I have to wonder.)
Last edited by spike_8bkp at Sep 8, 2010,
#11
Quote by spike_8bkp
(is that Brittany? I have to wonder.)

Doubtful, Brittany's vocabulary wouldn't allow her to recognize the word "undercut".

Now Kevy, if you didn't like this, that's fine, but insults aren't called for.
#12
Serious critique:
I think a lot of guys have been in your position, it's commonly referred to as the friend zone. You're the guy who gets all the shit responsibilities that a boyfriend should have with none of the benefits. The content here, though, it kind of sounds like you're trying to make it seem to her like you've moved on to bigger and better things, but really it just comes off like you're not over her, and you're trying to get back at her to make yourself feel better about it.

Also, there is no rhythm or rhyme scheme in this that I can detect. This might work as a free form poem, but when you're writing lyrics you need some structure.
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#13
Asides the stupidity in some of the above posts, i like this a lot.
The nonchalant ending really is good.
I like your writing a lot.
#14
I couldn't really take this seriously to be honest. I suppose it wins some points for being realistic, but aside from that, I feel like I could've ripped this out of a teenager's diary at any point. there isn't too much poetic about it- and I'm not saying everyone has to write fancy and with metaphor or anything, but there wasn't much to keep me interested. I almost knew what it was from the title- there isn't anything new being presented here.
#16
I agree with this guy ^. It's such a common theme but you didn't make it really unique or personal to you.

I wrote something (really) similar to this. It's in the signature.
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn


#18
Quote by Mephysteaux
Also, there is no rhythm or rhyme scheme in this that I can detect. This might work as a free form poem, but when you're writing lyrics you need some structure.

Frankly, I just wrote it, don't worry so much about whether it's a poem or lyrics or whatever. Structure is always just an option.

@hippie, glad you liked it, nonchalant is how I've been feeling the last few days

@Mr. S. Tissues, I completely agree. I just wanted to use the ending badly enough that I didn't particularly care what came before it, because I'm cool like that.
#19
Quote by guitaruboy
so your both stupid?



You know, if you're going to call someone stupid, it's best to use to right form of "you're/your." Stupid ass.
#20
Quote by jltc008
You know, if you're going to call someone stupid, it's best to use to right form of "you're/your." Stupid ass.



Sorry?

Quote by Karl Pilkington
Jellyfish are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful."