#1

It's not so much that love is lost...
it's more that love is bumbling down Williams Street,
drunk on cheap wine and a perfume of cinnamon rolls.
Cupid has one arm draped around his courtesan,
fingers wrapped around a bottle that
turns scars into beauty marks
and his other hand is busy
checking for his wallet...
hoping he hasn't left it at the bar again.

And that's when you walk over the hill next to my island.
A lovely frame
silhouetted
against moon and life.
I'd need the most potent arrow love can sing,
if I was to ever lie you in my bed.
But in the valley between our hilltops
is a love-god too drunk to even amuse a prostitute.
On this island is a man too nervous to amuse a beautiful girl.
#4
Quote by ZanasCross

I'd need the most potent arrow love can sing,
if I was to ever lie you in my bed.
But in the valley between our hilltops
is a love-god too drunk to even amuse a prostitute.
On this island is a man too nervous to amuse a beautiful girl.


The last stanza especially is an incredible piece of work. The first line about the arrow really spoke to me. Nice job.
#5
Much sweeter than you usually go for.
It had some cute and clever things going on, but it didn't have anything particularly powerful.
Maybe that's the point, but whatever, it's out there.
#7
I found your cinnamon rolls. Aha!

I very much liked the beginning - the end, not so much. The style changes into that ginsberg/waitsy thing and for me it doesn't blend so well. each line is great in it's own right, but we both know that good lines are nothing without a cohesive flow - and I'm thinking that those last four lines were written in a slightly different mindset, or at least at a different time than the rest of it - so abrupt it seems.

however, this love that is bumbling down Williams Street. I like its walk, its countenance. Inspiring.