#1
In my opinion the best lyrics I've ever written! I'm currently writting some guitar riffage for this, but any anyones reviews would be amazing right now regarding lyrics.


The tides finally coming in
And my blood is wearing thin
Looking out among the shore
Wishing I was young once more
Memories run through my head
But what’s the point cause I’m…
Almost dead

Is this the only reason we’re here?
To be conjured then disappear
Surely there’s something more
Other beings and places to explore
But I guess I am wrong
Time to go to the place…
Were we all belong

We were born to die x2
So look up to the sky x2
For just one last time
It’s time to take your last breath
Just before you are put to death

I can’t leave the world with anguish
When I’m frail and languish
Gotta muster up the courage to go
Before they come and drag me below
Here’s my turn I bid farewell
To the sound of an old church bell

We were born to die x2
So look up to the sky x2
For just one last time
It’s time to take your last breath
Just before you are put to death

There’s just one last rule to live by
Enjoy your life before your last goodbye
My Gear:

ESP: EX Diamond Plate
Jackson: RR1 Rhoads
Takamine: EG341C
Line 6: Spider IV 150
#3
lol, my old band wrote a song called Born to Die ages ago. Small world, eh.

Last edited by Calibos at Sep 10, 2010,
#5
Deffinately small world haha.
My Gear:

ESP: EX Diamond Plate
Jackson: RR1 Rhoads
Takamine: EG341C
Line 6: Spider IV 150
#6
I like this but you need to make minor changes throughout and i noticed you're using the word just toooo much when its not even needed!Pls look out for such errors

Changes that i wud suggest...
In the very 1st line "tide is" might sound better and in 3rd line "over" instead of "among"

2nd verse 2nd line seems amiss write "Get conjoured then made to disappear"

Last 3lines of chorus cuz you're repeating "just" "last" and "time" twice in 'em!The best thing about english is that you have a variety of words to convey the same meaning, use 'em!!My suggestion

"For just one more time
take your last breath
minutes before you're put to death"

Add a break here
"Here is my turn, I bid farewell"

Also in "There is just one last rule to live by" omit "just" and the line will have more impact...
Yeah that's it!Overall good workKeep writing!

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1349003
Last edited by BloodCold at Sep 11, 2010,
#7
Thanks for that BloodCold I'll look into improving it slightly. Good critical advise! I like!
My Gear:

ESP: EX Diamond Plate
Jackson: RR1 Rhoads
Takamine: EG341C
Line 6: Spider IV 150