#1
So this piece has no set structure, no chorus, etc. It's a bunch of different verses with different rythms and melodies put together into one composition. I'd like to get your opinions on the content and such. Thanks in advance, c4c as always.


This May Require Surgery


I’m ephemeral and bleeding
My eyes reflect isosteric things
You’re a hypnotist, a manipulator
Take and sell my veins, traitor

I serve as a host
To a parasitic holy ghost
Don’t get too close

I’m done killing myself for you

Close her fucking eyes
Oh, God, let her sleep

Now you awaken
With the taste of chloroform and regret on your lips
I reach for the dagger in the sheath on my hip
It’s as sharp as your tongue
My soul’s as dark as your lungs
I’ll cut out your heart, rebuild and repair
I’ll stitch up the holes from the guilt and despair

I'll carve the same designs into both of our wrists
Is it sad the boy you used to know is still a masochist?
You're doing all you can just to keep yourself sane
Just know your daily glass of wine's been poisoned by my pain
I'm choking on your breath as your lips burn away my face
And all that I had asked of you was just a little taste
It seems that you have sucked dry every last bit of my brain
And now all that's left of me are these ****ed up, charred remains
I hold you down, you try to fight, but you're still on your back
You're shaking like a pyrex while I'm slipping through the crack

Can you feel this?

We'll run home and slit the throats
Of every god and passing ghost
Serotonin's in decline
We're victims of our lives' designs

And now I let these flowers die
Let these flowers die
Let these flowers die
Let these flowers die
Let these flowers die…
That Cheap Fucking Smile Carries You To Bed

Those Lips Are Social Suicide But I Just Wanna See You Dead.
Last edited by dethskar0 at Sep 11, 2010,
#2
This sure is different, dark and lovely.Also you have made a good use of both words and imagination i've nothing -ve to say but surely you could have made a better title(like 'let these flowers die')?Although i guess your title suited better to yourself but
This title is not eye catching and i almost skipped reading your work!!
Love the 2nd last verse

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1356783
#3
Oh wow... thats an amazing piece of writing... its dark but still quite beautiful, I'd love to hear it as its being performed or a recording of it... however I do agree with BloodCold, the title is extremely tame and bland in comparison to the lyrics... its like rain... you expect a light drizzle and end up with a full on cyclone :P
#4
Thats really gd. Would be cool to hear it performed. I don't think the title is that bad. It was the reason I checked out this piece.
#5
I'll try to remember to let you guys know when I get it recorded. Thanks for the feedback.
That Cheap Fucking Smile Carries You To Bed

Those Lips Are Social Suicide But I Just Wanna See You Dead.